Passenger
by VanessaLoveJoy
Summary: Eclipse AU: Bella left Forks after the tragic death of a person very close to her heart. Four years later, she is thrust back into the town, and world, she's avoided, and will finally face the consequences of abandoning her life.
1. Chapter One

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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"**Passenger"**

**By, VanessaLoveJoy**

**Chapter One Bella POV**

**The following in italics is directly from the book "Eclipse" by Stephanie Meyer - Chapter 22 'Monster', and I take no credit for it in any shape, way, or form. After the italicized portion, my story will begin. Enjoy!**

" _"Because your space heater has reached his limit," Edward answered quietly. "Truce over," he added, so low I couldn't be sure that was really what he'd said._

_"Jacob was listening," I whispered. It wasn't a question._

_"Yes."_

_"You knew."_

_"Yes."_

_I stared at nothing, seeing nothing._

_"I never promised to fight fair," he reminded me quietly. "And he deserves to know." _

_My head fell into my hands._

_"Are you angry with me?" he asked. "_

I played the question in my mind, several answers swirling and trying to escape my lips.

"Am I angry with you?" came out in barely a whisper, more or less questioning myself, and not just attempting to have him clarify exactly what he was asking me.

"Yes Love, angry with me that Jacob overheard our conversation."

"Edward, why would I be… I mean yes I am but not because he…" I was having trouble getting out just what I wanted to say. I was angry with him, and also with myself. But I was also truly worried about how hurt Jacob had to be right now.

The tent began feeling all but too small in that moment – I was suffocating.

"I need to get outside." I tried to suck in air that no longer existed in this tiny space.

"Bella, please, let's finish discussing this," Edward asked, almost a demanding tone escaping past his lips. He grabbed me by my wrist with his too fast and too strong hand, the ice-cold grip of his fingers pushing at the bones, to try and gesture that I should stay and talk with him – though I'm know he didn't intend on it hurting me, there would certainly be a bruise there almost instantly.

"Let go of my arm Edward, please." My voice was strong and commanding, a certain change from the meek tone I often used around him. He didn't budge though, and after I explained that he was hurting me, his arm went limp and dropped to his side.

I instantly began rubbing at my forearm with my other hand, it was already red in a perfect handprint form.

"I am very sorry Bella, I was not thinking. I should not have taken your arm with such vigor. You know I would never hurt you intentionally" He looked at me with pleading and apologetic eyes, but I would not let myself be dazzled by him in this moment, not when I needed to go and make sure that Jacob was alright - not until we talked and he was no longer upset.

"Edward, not right now. I need to go and find Jacob." I unzipped the tent and made my way outside to the chilly, bright early morning. I paused a moment and poked my head back in the tent. "And please don't follow me. I need to handle this on my own. I promise we'll talk about this later." With that, I turned on my heels and walked as quickly as I could to the tree line.

Seth, in his large wolf form, sat back on his haunches, and looked at me with a crooked slant to his head.

"Seth, which way did Jacob go?" He looked at me with hesitant eyes now, still the eyes of the young boy he was deep inside, and lowered his head. He wasn't going to tell me where he went.

"Alright fine, is he all wolfie right now? Can he see me through your eyes – through the Pack mind?" He paused a moment, and then shook his head as to say 'yes' to me.

"Okay, good." I walked over to face Seth and stood tall in front of him. Even though he was sitting back on his hind legs, with his shoulders and head slouched down, we were only eye-to-eye when I leaned up on my tippy-toes.

"Jacob, please come back and talk to me. Let me explain. Please. I'm so sorry you had to find out this way." I begged, fighting back the urge to let tears well over and spill down my cheeks.

I waited, hoping that Seth would give me any sort of indication that Jacob received my message and was on his way to come back and talk to me. But he didn't. He just lowered his head even further, and then lay down on the wet ground, closing his eyes.

"Fine! Be stubborn!" I yelled out, hoping Jacob was still listening. "I'm just going to have to go into the woods and track you down then. You better hope I don't getting eaten by a bloodthirsty newborn vampire!"

Seth made a sound that was a mixture of a whine and a growl but I just waved him away and headed back to the tree line.

"Bella, stop right now." Edward yelled out, and was at my side before the last word was fully off his lips.

"I asked you not to follow me."

"That was before you decided to go off on your own into the woods on some wolf hunting expedition. Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"You're not going to stop me." I placed my hands on my hips, and tried my best to look defiant and confident.

"Bella." Jacob's husky voice called to me. I turned to see him standing near Seth in just a pair of cut-off grey sweats. I gave Edward my best scowl, and began walking over to Jake. Edward grabbed hard at my wrist again.

"Edward, please stop. You're hurting my wrist again." This time he only loosened his grip, but did not let me go. Jacob was glaring down at Edward in an instant; their faces only inches apart - a growl resonated from both his and Seth's chest.

"You need to let go of her Leech, before I take your arm off for you. You trying to give her a bruise to match the one on her other wrist?" Jake hissed out, his eyes black with fury.

"Try it mutt. I would not mind a fight today since I am missing out on the big one." Edward's voice was stern and calm - though he was challenging Jacob, he still kept himself collected.

"Stop it right now! All of you! Edward I want to talk to Jacob, alone. Now please let go of my arm, and… go down and help your family with the Newborns if you want to get in a fight." I wanted to take the words back the second they left my mouth, especially with the hurt that was now reflecting in Edwards face, but I couldn't. I didn't want Edward to leave the campsite, I just wanted him to give me a few minutes to speak with Jacob alone.

"If…if that is really what you would like me to do Bella." He said solemnly.

I thought for a moment, thinking this as my opportunity to tell him to stay – stay here and stay safe – but I knew deep down that he would be fine if he joined the fight, the only reason I had him stay here in the first place was selfish on my part. And I wanted to be alone with Jacob. I needed to explain everything to him.

"Yes… I want you to go help the rest of the Family, and the Pack. You were right, I know you'll be safe; and they could use all the help that they can get." He looked at me for only an instant, his eyes tight, trying to once again unsuccessfully read my mind, and then nodded his head.

"Alright then Love. I know you will be safe here with Seth, as long as you stay here. So I shall… I will see you after this is all over." He pulled me, gently at least this time, to his hard chest, and wrapped his too cold arms around me, sending a shiver rolling down my spine. He leaned his cheek against mine and whispered into my ear, "I love you Bella, we will begin planning the wedding soon."

The low whine that escaped Jacob's lips made me well aware that, once again, Edward said that more for Jake to hear then for my benefit.

"Goodbye Edward." Was all I left him with, and within an instant he was gone. I longed for him to be back at my side the instant I could no longer see him. No matter how frustrated I was with him, I needed him to feel whole.

I puffed out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in, and shook my head. Things just change so quickly. I was really beginning to hate change. Why couldn't things, life, everything – why couldn't it just all stay the same. Easy, and the same.

"What did you want to talk with me about Bella because I really need to get down there before the fight starts?" Jacob was tapping his foot on the ground to make it seem as if he was truly annoyed that I was keeping him here.

"Jake…" I walked towards him and then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught Seth still lying on the ground behind him.

"Hey Seth, can you give Jake and me a few minutes?" I yelled over to him. He gruffed out an exasperated sigh - I'm sure all this love triangle drama was getting to him - but then stood on his four paws and lopped off into the woods.

I turned back to Jacob, pursing my lips, trying to figure out what it was that I exactly wanted to say. Just as I was opening my mouth to apologize for what Edward had done, Jake flung up his hands.

"You are insane Isabella Swan, you know that? Just completely and utterly off your effing rocker." Jake began pacing back and fourth, pulling at his hair and shaking his head.

"Um…" I began to try to get some sort of clarification from him, but he just cut me off again.

"When is it just too much Bella? When is it too much for me to love you like this? A vampire? You're really going to go through with this? Marry a bloodsucker, and then become one yourself?" Jacob rambled off question after question to me, but I wasn't really sure if he wanted me to actually answer them, or if he was just venting.

"It's not that black and white Jake."

"Isn't it? I think it is that simple Bells. I think you are being selfish. I think that you are going to go off and basically kill yourself - breaking your parent's heart, and…and breaking my heart."

"Jake, please, why can't you just understand?"

"Understand what? _All that you want is standing right in front of you. All that you need, is standing right in front you._* You are just too blind to see it. With us Bells, it can just be easy; nothing would have to change."

"I don't want anything to change." I know my statement was vague, but it truly was how I was feeling. Deep down I loved Jake and knew that if I chose him, things wouldn't have to change. But I needed Edwards – I loved Edward with my whole heart, and I just don't know if I could ever be the one to say goodbye to him. I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to walk away from him, to walk away from spending an eternity with him and the Cullen's.

Jacob began walking closer to me, and I knew he was going to try to kiss me again. This time though, I was unsure if I would try to resist him if he did. He took another step towards me, but the soul crippling sound of Seth's tortured howl in the near distance stopped him, frozen mid-step.

_**To be continued...**_

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**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed Chapter one, and there will certainly be more coming soon! **

***The inspiration for this story is the song "Passenger" by OneRepublic.**

**XoXo - Vanessa**


	2. Chapter Two

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Two Bella POV**

Jacob was in front of me before I could even register he moved, crouched, readying himself to phase and attack whatever had to be coming, pushing me simultaneously behind him protectively. The trees in front of us shook, and a growl escaped from the wolf within him.

This was it. Victoria found me, found us, and I knew in that moment that Jake was going to die trying to protect me. The tree's shook again, but this time it was Seth, in human form, naked and bloodied, running towards us – more like limping quickly – at a human speed, screaming for us to run.

"Run Bella, you need to run!" He tried yelling out, the sound of blood gurgling in his throat mixing with each word. "She's here, there are more of them com…." Before he could finish his sentence, before he could reach the spot where Jake and I stood dumbstruck and frozen, a red streak of lightening was at Seth's side, holding him at least two feet off the ground by his neck, strangling the life out of him.

Yet again, before my human eyes could comprehend what was happening, a russet wolf was charging towards Victoria, and Edward was standing in front of me, pushing me into his back.

"We need to move, immediately." He hissed out, no trace of the melodic tone in his beautiful voice. I tried to focus on the small battle playing out before my eyes – Seth lying on the ground, eyes closed and he not moving, blurs of white marble and fire red mixed viciously with russet fur and angry snarls and snaps.

"We're not going anywhere!" I yelled out to him, "I have to go help Seth, and you need to help Jacob. We are not leaving them Edward!" He still had his back to me, but I could feel his body tense, he didn't want me here anymore then I wanted to stay.

Completely defying my wishes, Edward swung me over his shoulder, and ran with me through the woods. I hit at his back, feeling as though the bones in my hands were breaking with each punch against the hard granite - he didn't falter in his step once. I yelled at him to put me down, that we needed to go back and help them, but he ignored me and continued to run deeper into the woods.

We came to an abrupt halt after less then a minute; he put me gently to the ground, and tried to hide me between some sort of shrub and a split tree trunk. "Just please stay here Bella, I am going to go back and get Seth. Please," he pleaded with me, "please just stay here and stay hidden." I shook my head in agreement, and he was gone. I brought my knees tight to my chest, a ball of flesh and clothing trying to merge amongst the bright green foliage.

Edward was back with Seth's still unconscious body before I could let my self-destructive mind pull to the worst of what could be happening. "He is already healing, he'll be awake soon. Just stay here with him…I love you, please don't do anything to put yourself in harms way Bella." Edward pleaded with me before he was once again nowhere in sight, before I could tell him I loved him too, before I could tell him to stay safe, and keep Jacob safe as well.

I pulled at the long sleeve of my white cotton shirt until it ripped off at the top seam. Even though Seth's wounds were already closing, I wanted to clean the blood from around his mouth and face. I sucked in a breath, willing the sickening smell of copper not to invade my senses, and tried not to get sick.

Though Edward only ran with me for a moment, I was deep enough in the woods, far enough from the tiny battle between the men I loved, and the demon that wanted me dead, that I could not hear what was happening. I had no idea what was going on past the trees. Despite the fact that I was once again being selfish, it was in fact better that Seth was in human form to heal quicker, I wished that he would wake up so he could phase and look into Jacob's mind to make sure that he and Edward both were not hurt.

All I wanted to do was run back to the clearing. To see for myself that Edward and Jacob were alive – to see that they were able to, once and for all, rid the world of Victoria – fantasizing that I may actually get to see the two of them happy and smiling that they were able to work together to take out such a threat.

Instead, I grunted as I pulled Seth's heavy body close to mine, cradling his still form to my chest, and ran my fingers soothingly through his cropped black hair, pretending that the wet in his hair wasn't blood. Making sure that he and I stayed hidden and safe were the only things I could focus on, because thoughts that might lead me to thinking Edward and Jacob could be hurt, or worse, were not allowed to plague my mind.

What seemed like hours later, though it was probably less then just one, the trees in the near distance began to rustle. I instinctively pulled Seth closer to me, edging in front of his sleeping body as if I would actually be able to shield him from the threat that was approaching.

"Bella?"

"Jake! I'm here!" A moment later, he was at my side, wrapping me in his amazing warmth. "Oh, Jake, I'm so happy you're all right." I sobbed into his chest, and then pulled back quickly to look over him. "You are okay right? You're not hurt are you?" He was wearing only a pair of torn shorts, and though his body was covered in already healing scratches, and he was filthy with dirt and dried blood, he looked perfectly…perfect – I pushed my body into him, I was so happy he was safe.

"I'm fine Bella. Victoria is dead. She won't try to hurt you anymore." His voice should have been filled with exhilaration – elated by information such as this, I knew my mind was - but he sounded almost…remorseful. I pulled back from his embrace again, and looked at him with the confused expression I'm sure was plastered on my face, asking him with my eyes to explain his somber tone. "Bells, I'm…Oh god Bella, I am so sorry." He was shaking his head, refusing to make eye contact with me.

Immediately I knew what he was sorry for. Immediately I knew what I should have figured out the moment I saw only Jacob at my side. Immediately I knew. I said his name in barely a whisper, "Edward."

"More came Bella. It wasn't just Victoria. More of her vampire army came just for you, for all of us. There were five of them in addition to her. It was just Edward and me fighting all of them. The rest of the newborns were down in the clearing with the Pack and Cullen's. Our team won that battle - Leah got pretty hurt though, and the Dr's taking her to their house to look after her." He spoke quickly, still no animation in his voice.

"Edward." I whispered out again. I needed him to say the words. I needed Jacob to tell me what I already knew.

"He was amazing Bella. He got Victoria off me, literally, before she almost bit me. I would be dead if he hadn't gotten there in time. He practically ripped her in half." He stopped and took in a deep breath, sighing before he continued. "That's when…that's when the other vampires showed up. It was five against two. He read my thoughts, and we organized a plan of attack quickly, he followed my directions like I was his Alpha, never hesitated." For a moment Jacob looked proud, looked almost like he was talking about one of his Pack brothers. Then just as quickly, his expression turned to that of shame, guilt.

"Please tell me Jake. I need to hear it from you."

"We were able to take out three of them within an instant. We worked together perfectly, and then there were just two vampires that we needed to kill. I told him…I told Edward to take the one to the right of him, that I would go for the one on the left…I should have taken down the other one. I had no idea that he couldn't…" He trailed off again, burying his face in his hands. I took his hands down from his face and into mine, forcing him to look into my eyes, both sets of eyes filled with tears spilling over.

"The vampire that he was fighting with…she was like you in a way. Edward couldn't hear her thoughts. He was using that as his greatest weapon, to be able to tell which way his opponent was going to go so he could strike first. But he yelled out to me that he couldn't hear her. I killed my vamp easily and I ran over to him, I was almost there, I was in the air ready to rip her off of him…if only I got there a second earlier…" He shook his head once more, pausing, dragging out the inevitable news still.

"I was too late. The leach was about to rip off his hea… She knocked me back before I could get to him; I flew through the air, hit into a tree. I was only out for like a minute, but by the time I got back up… there was nothing but ash at her feet, and I didn't see him anywhere. I took her out quickly, but..." He brought his hands up to cradle my face, looking deeply into my eyes, "She killed him Bella. I'm so, so sorry… Edward is gone."

_**To be continued...**_


	3. Chapter Three

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Three: Bella POV**

_***FOUR YEARS LATER***_

"Miss Swan?" . . . . . . "Miss Swan, did you hear the question?"

"Wha? Huh…Oh, sorry Mr. Craft. I didn't actually hear you." I was staring out the window, watching all the students on campus rushing by to get to their next class, while I was sitting in my Literary Mythologies class not paying attention.

"I asked you to please tell the class who said the following quote,

"_When good men die, their goodness does not perish, but lives through they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies, and is buried with them."'_

Fitting I thought, a slight chuckle off my lips gave all the students already staring at me just another reason to look at me as if I was crazy - fitting again.

"Euripides." I replied shortly, staring past him to the back wall. Mr. Craft was about to spew off another quote to some girl sitting two rows down from me, when I cut him off, "Though sir, I prefer his quote from "Hecuba",

"_What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness, pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps."'_

He paused a moment, looked at me like he wanted to be pissed I had interrupted him, then just shook his head and mumbled off something about how he liked that quote as well.

Mr. Craft went about continuing class, and I went back to staring out the window.

I've been here for four years. My last year here, graduation in less then a week, and I still could barely bring myself to pay attention in any of my classes - My mind always wandering - Always wondering - Always thinking about the 'what if's'. I guess it's good that I'm book smart and have been able to just practically teach myself so I could pass my classes.

…_nothing is secure, nothing keeps. _

I should know that better then anyone. I thought my life was planned out for me the moment I agreed to marry Edward… _nothing is secure_... Even before that, the moment I knew of what Edward truly was, and chose to stay with him anyway, chose to become a vampire myself... _nothing keeps _…

My life plan was selfish though. The easy way out. It wasn't a life at all. It was a death sentence. It only took losing a man that I loved, in a way both of the men I loved, but the death of the man that I was going to spend eternity with nonetheless, to figure out finally what life really was.

Life is living. It's family, friends, it is growing old, it's experiences, it's happiness, it's… it's everything. It is precious. Moreover, thinking back on it now, thinking back to a time where I wanted my heart to stop beating, my life was just… _selfish_.

The sad part about figuring that out though? Was figuring it out four years too late. _Too late_. That should be my life's motto. When Edward died, I ran – figuratively. I left everyone behind, and I haven't looked back. I spent a month crying, then a month planning, and then I was gone.

I've lived on campus at UF – the University of Florida – since then, spending my winter breaks with my Mother and Phil, and summer break with my roommate's family. I was lucky that the school accepted my,_ extremely_, late application, and since they were impressed with my grades and SAT scores, I got word that I had gotten in within a few weeks, and was packing my bags the minute after I opened the letter.

I didn't even say goodbye anyone.

To Charlie, of course I did, but it wasn't some sappy farewell. He knew I planned to go away to college once I made that decision, but he fully expected me back in Forks every summer, _I haven't even been back once_.

I haven't spoken with the Cullen's - I went to the sunniest place I could think of so I could get away from them.

I talk to my father maybe once every two or three weeks on the phone for probably ten minutes.

I haven't spoken with anyone from La Push, no one from the Pack… especially not even Jake.

I didn't say goodbye to him. I couldn't. The only goodbye I gave him was leaving my beat-up truck by his garage. I was weak then. Maybe I still am in some ways… I would say goodbye now though, so maybe I'm not so weak anymore. _I would say goodbye now_.

"_**We won't say our goodbyes,  
You know it's better that way.  
We won't break, we won't die.  
It's just a moment of change.  
All we are, all we are,  
Is everything that's right**_**.  
**_**All we need, all we need,  
A lover's alibi" ****_

It's too late now.

It's too late to think that if I stayed I could have let Jake comfort me. Let Jake be the sunshine I so desperately needed in such a dark time. Be the air that my lungs were begging for me to breathe in. No. I know it's too late now because the last quick conversation I had with my father, he told me that Billy was going on and on that past Saturday about how Jacob had this girl at the house all the time now.

My father said, _"Maybe Jake's finally found 'the one'."_

'The one' can only equal one thing in that tribe though, amongst the Wolves… and that is that Jacob imprinted. I didn't need to hear that for myself first hand to know that's what was going on. I just hoped that he was finally truly happy.

In a way, I am okay with him imprinting. Deep down, somewhere where it doesn't hurt to think of him with another woman, I know that she has to be the perfect woman for him, otherwise he wouldn't have imprinted on her. The girl he is meant to have as his life partner. Obviously, the girl I could never be for Jake. The girl that I am now, that I wish I could have been then.

Wishing doesn't get me anywhere though, and so I have learned to accept the way things are. I've accepted that I loved Edward, as the girl that I was when I was a teenager. I would not have been _in love_ with him however, as the woman I am now at almost twenty-three. He knew that even then. He wanted me to grow up and experience life, he wanted me to figure out for myself that I didn't want to live an eternity, that I would only want to live for just a lifetime. I will always love him, he was of course my first love. But, it was more of an obsession. A silly young girl who just wanted what she thought was unattainable. What she thought was the right thing for her at the time. Not what I would want now.

Seeing things as I do now, I know that the love I had hidden away in my heart for Jacob, that was what true love really was. It was friendship of the best kind. Jake told me that I was just too blind to see it, and now with my eyes clear and my heart empty… I can see it. I can feel it. I feel it everyday. But, it's too late.

"That's it for today, class. Study the next few days as much as you can, your final is this coming Tuesday, 9am sharp. There will be no make-up exams so be sure you are here on time. Have a good afternoon" Mr. Craft dismissed the class just as my cell phone started buzzing in my pocket. I grabbed my bag and ran out the door, catching the call from my Mother right in time.

"Hey Mom, what's up? I just got finished with…"

"Bella, I have some news." She cut me off, tears lacing each of her words, she had just been crying.

"Mom what's the matter, are you okay?"

"It's your father Bella… Charlie's had a heart attack." The phone dropped from my hand (luckily for the phone I was standing in the grass.)

I stood stunned, people rushing by me, when I heard my Mother calling out to me from the phone by my feet. I bent down, picked it up, and brought the phone back to my ear, whispering to myself to be strong - _Be the Bella that you have changed into, and take the news of your father's death like an adult._

"Sorry Mom, I dropped the phone." I said solemnly, awaiting the news I didn't want to hear.

"That's alright sweetie. He's fine now, just pretty shaken up. They're keeping him at the hospital for a few days though. Observation and whatnot the Doctor said. Oh, Bella, life is just so short you know? To think that someone…" When Renee starts babbling on, I've found it easier just to let her, and to say a quick 'uh huh' every once and a while.

Nevertheless, the important news, the most amazing news, was that my Father was still alive.

"… just give him a call Sweet pea; you know he'd love to hear from you."

"Yeah, Mom. I'll call the hospital as soon as I get back to my dorm. Thanks for letting me know though, I'll call you later tonight."

We said our quick 'goodbyes' and 'I love yous', and I made my way back to my dorm. My roommate Cassandra wouldn't be back from class for at least two more hours, so this would be the best time for me to have the privacy I needed to call my father.

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"Oh come on, you know you want me to come with you!" Cassandra whined.

I had told her that my father guilt tripped me to coming back to Forks for a visit. He actually said that the Doctor told him the reason for his heart attack was all the take out he'd been eating the past few years, leading Charlie to mention how much he missed my home cooking; pretty much making me blame myself for him eating so poorly lately, and then subsequently blaming my self for his health issues. He really wanted me to spend this summer, before I go back to Florida to begin Graduate school in the Fall, with him.

I was hesitant to agree, I never wanted to step foot in Forks or La Push again, but by not going back, by not visiting my Father who could have just died, I was being my old selfish self. I told him that I would fly over there next weekend, after all my finals were completed. I only promised a week-long visit though, and he reluctantly accepted it, probably assuming he could guilt me in to staying longer.

"Ugh, Cass, I don't know. I'm not really planning on staying there very long."

"Bella, stop being stubborn. We can take my car, and we'll drive out there on Wednesday after finals, it'll only take us like four days, probably something like four thousand miles. Road-trip babe!" She made some kind of 'woot woot' sound, and was bouncing around our too small room.

"Why do you want to leave Sunny Florida for the summer, just to go to rainy dark Washington? You make no sense sometimes." I rolled my eyes at her, and sighed as I flopped on to my bed.

"I want to go with you, because I want to meet your dad, and meet all of your High School friends, and I want to spend the summer with you like we have been. You've got to spend the past four summer breaks with me in my hometown, so why don't I get to see where you come from?"

Cass and I have been roommates since Freshman year, and even though she is pretty much the complete opposite of me, you know because she's actually fun, we've been best friends ever since. She's more than the complete opposite of me personality wise as well, in the way that she is completely gorgeous. She's all wavy blond hair, tanned skin, bright blue eyes, and big boobs and ass. Oh, and she's a Cheerleader… yeah, total and complete opposite of me.

I was about to try and talk her out of it again when she looked at me with the sad puppy dog eyes and pouty lip that she always uses on me when she wants me to go out to the bars with her, and I sighed again. She knew that the look worked, and she lunged at me, pushing me back against the bed with her on top of me, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"Soooooo freaking excited!" She squealed out.

"And I'm so _freaking excited_ I walked in on this moment," Our RA, Ethan, was standing in our doorway leaning against the frame, eyebrows cocks and a huge grin on his face. He was what one would describe as 'tall, dark, and handsome'. Brown hair, brown eyes, though he was pretty much white as they come, chiseled jaw, and a muscular build. He actually reminded me of the La Push boys but with lighter skin.

"Hey E, you're just in time – Bella and I were just about to start making out too!" His Jaw dropped to the floor, and I rolled my eyes and pushed Cass off me.

"Yeah, yeah. Two girls hugging, such a turn on." I replied while standing up and straightening my clothes out.

"You know it. So what's got you two so happy? Of course, not that I'm complaining – it's always nice to see a smile on your beautiful face Bella." He walked over next to me and sat down on my bed, pulling me down next to him and slinging an arm over my shoulders. Cass made it a point everyday to tell me how much of a crush Ethan had on me.

"We're driving to Washington next week to spend the summer with Bella's dad!" she exclaimed.

Ethan looked confused, obviously trying to figure out how going to the rainiest state in the US for the summer was something to be excited about, but Cass just continued on.

"And we are gonna have loads of fun, but most importantly, Bella over here is going to introduce me to that hot Native American looking guy that she's friends with. She has pictures of him hidden under her bed, and yeah - that dude is freaking gorg! Oh the fun I shall have with him!" She had that evil slutty grin on her face that she always got around hot guys. _Yeah, this was just gonna be loads of fun._

_**To be continued...**_

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****"All We Are" by OneRepublic**


	4. Chapter Four

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Four: Bella POV**

I really hated the idea of bringing Cass with me back to Forks. Not because I didn't want her there, because the facts were that I _needed_ her there. I've relied on her to essentially be my entire support system, one of my few friends, the past few years, and having her by my side to confront the life I've avoided for years, was something I wholly required.

Nevertheless, what I didn't want, was to bring her with me to the supernatural capitol of the West Coast. It's not as if I could just go ahead and tell her about that hidden part of my past life. I couldn't warn her of the dangers that lurked in my small hometown; to let her know that my hesitation in having her come with me, was not because I didn't want her there, but because I feared for her safety once we were here.

Through my brief conversations with Charlie over the years, he had not mentioned any string of out of the ordinary deaths or disappearances in the woods, and I hoped that Forks no longer held all the evil things that _'went bump in the night'_. That maybe after Victoria's demise, and the extermination of the newborn army, all that was left in that area was good vampires and over-sized wolves. At least, that is what I was hoping.

It took us close to six days to arrive in Forks. We stopped to get some sleep a few times, and we also had to detour a little to drop Ethan off in Nampa, Idaho. He had decided to hitch a ride West with us instead of flying back home for the summer. I was actually grateful that he invited himself along, as I felt much safer sleeping in Cass's tiny car at night with a guy around to protect us – even when I knew better than anyone that there are many things out there that the strongest human man could not ward off either way.

Charlie was back at home by the time we got there, the hospital releasing him a few days prior on the condition that he take at least another one week leave from work. He welcomed me back warmly with an embrace I had longed for, and I am not ashamed to admit, that I held onto him tightly for several extra moments, sobbing into his chest. Each emotion I was feeling about coming back home, in that instant, circled me like a vulture after its prey, becoming too much for me to deal with once I saw him.

However, he was still Charlie, and though he was thrilled to see me, he was always better at trying to mask his emotions then openly showing them, and ended our hug before I was ready, and added a quick _"so happy to see you kid, you've really grown up."_ He happily welcomed Cass into his home, and was quickly on the phone ordering pizza delivery for us to have for dinner. I scowled at him, reminding him that his poor diet was what had gotten him in this position in the first place. After I succeeded in getting him to promise this would be his last slice of pizza for a while, by insisting I would be cooking his meals for him while I was here, I surrendered in my fight against the unhealthy food, and let him order us dinner – I honestly was too exhausted to cook this first night anyway.

It was close to ten at night when we had finally finished eating, and that day's long thirteen-hour stint of straight through driving began weighing heavily on both Cass and me. We said our good-nights to Charlie, and I promised him a big, _healthy_, breakfast in the morning. Cass and I quickly inflated a mattress for her to use, and took turns showering and getting ready for bed. I returned to my room from the bathroom to find Cass staring out my window that faced the edge of the woods.

"You never told me why you've been avoiding coming back home for the past four years Bella." She said, in a voice that was almost too low for me to hear. She wasn't necessarily asking me to finally tell her why, to bare my heart and soul to her, but she wanted to make sure that I always knew I could open up to her about it when I was ready.

"I know," was all that I could simply reply.

She was one of my best friends, but Cassandra Post did not belong in the world of vampires and werewolves. How could I tell her the truth, or even some semblance of the truth, as to why I ran all those years ago, without filling her in on everything?

If I wanted to be more like my old selfish-self, wanted to have someone to open up to and comfort me, and tell me I did the right thing, even when I knew that I hadn't, then I could have told her everything. She would have accepted it all, never looked at me as if I was certifiable, and she never would have judged me on my decisions, she would just be there for me, a shoulder to lean on, to cry on if that's what I needed.

Except, I couldn't tell her. I couldn't put her life at risk because she "knew too much" about the vampires, and I couldn't betray the wolves by speaking of their secret. So instead, I let out a long sigh, and crawled into my bed.

"Why are you still staring out the window? Come get some sleep." I muffled out to her, my face smooshed into my pillow.

"I just thought… Okay, you're gonna think I'm totally bonkers, but I swear I saw this like gigantic wolf/bear/horse thing towering by the edge of the woods a minute ago, and then I blinked and it was just… gone, poof!" She exclaimed, her golden blond hair whipping in her face as she swung around to face me. I sat straight up in bed. "So I've just been watching to see if it comes back, ya know?" She shrugged her shoulders.

I was going to pass out. My head began spinning, my room was spinning, the world was spinning, and Cass's words were spinning all around me: _"saw this like gigantic wolf/bear/horse thing on the edge of the woods."_ I certainly, immediately, knew what she saw; it was one of the La Push wolves. Thoughts of which one it could have been though, thoughts that it might actually have been Jacob, thoughts that in that moment he and I were only yards away from one another, were too much for my exhausted body to handle.

As I began to wobble where I sat up on my bed, Cass ran over to me and steadied me by the shoulders.

"What… what color did it look like?" I struggled to get out.

"Bella, it's fine, I was probably just imagining it. We are both completely sleep deprived, was probably some sort of hallucination or something. I didn't mean to scare you." She ran her fingers through my still wet hair to try to soothe me, her voice truthful and apologetic; she really thought she was just seeing things.

Little did she know that what she saw truly was what she saw, and that it was not the prospect of some scary creature outside my window that had me so worked up. It was the hope that it might have been the man I have come to realize I am so desperately in love with, a man that I could never call my own. Not after everything that I have done to him, and especially not now that another woman held that honor.

"Just humor me."

"It was, I don't know, like a reddish brown color maybe, kinda like rust. It's dark out there though, so like I said, it probably wasn't anything, just a weird shadow, or something." She shook her head and made her way down to the floor to lie down on the mattress.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

_Jacob_

* * *

I woke up early after a fitful night of sleep, if you could even call what I had done all night sleeping, and waited quietly for Cass to wake up. I walked slowly to the window, and stared at the spot that held Jake just a few hours ago. My mind was running at a mile a minute, and nightmares of the worst kind were plaguing my subconscious. The most frightening of them all, was when I would imagine going to La Push to see Jacob in person, to try to get out some sort of an apology to him, and he completely just dismissing me without a word, without a second though. Turning his back on me, his fingers entwined with that of a beautiful tanned skinned woman with raven black hair and dark captivating eyes.

* * *

Once Cass got up, she and I went to the grocery store before Charlie awoke, and I bought enough food to last at least through the next two weeks - I was still stuck on the plan of only staying in Forks no longer than that. I was in the middle of fixing my father an egg-white omelet and whole grain pancakes, to be eaten with sugar free syrup of course, when there was a knock at the door. I couldn't leave the food on the stovetop unattended, so I motioned towards Cass, who was sitting at the kitchen table reading some fashion magazine, to go and answer the door for me.

_I heard her voice, before I saw her._

"So it's true huh? The oh so great and wonderful Isabella Swan has decided to make her way back home and grace us all with her beautiful presence." The sarcasm and disgust oozed from each and every one of Leah's words.

I stood stationary, completely stunned, and unable to move, and even with my back in her direction, I could feel that she made her way closer, and was now standing right behind me. I worried for a moment about Cass, and why she was being so quiet, but I needed to take in another deep breath before I could force myself to turn around and face Leah.

"What, I don't get a big hug? I've missed you _so much_." I knew she had to be wearing the most smart-ass smirk across her lips, and as I slowly turned around, I wasn't disappointed.

"It's good to see you Leah." I said as I turned to face her. She stood in my kitchen in a filthy white sundress, no shoes, with a few leaves crushed into her black hair. She was taller and leaner since the last time I saw her. I would liken her to an Amazonian princess; even call her breath taking if she didn't look about ready to rip me in two. She laughed at my feeble attempt to remain unfazed by her. Cass made a coughing sound to make me aware of her presence in the room, and I found her standing in the kitchen entryway, her eyes wide with worry, she apparently picked up that Leah was being less then sincere in her statements.

"Leah, this is my good friend Cassandra. We've been roommates at college the past few years." I was trying my best to keep Leah calm, to keep this entire situation at a diffused level, but I think Leah took it as I was patronizing her. Her body grew tense, a slight shake rumbled through her fisted hands.

"Swan, what are you doing back here?" She spit out at me, bearing her glistening white teeth, she was furious.

"I'm clearly here to see my father Leah. I'm sure you're well aware he took sick a few weeks ago." I stated matter-of-factly. I wasn't about to let Leah Clearwater intimidate me in my own home.

"Oh yeah, I'm well aware. Jacob was with your father when it happened." The mention of Jacob's name was like an ice pick through my upper body, and I instantly clutched at my chest to ensure my heart was still beating. My bravado instantly crushed to her will.

"He was at the hospital at least two times a day to check on _your_ father while _you_ were away hiding in sunny Florida." Her words came out more in snarls then coherent sentences.

My eyes darted to the floor, and I begged the tears that so desperately wanted to escape to stay at bay, she could weaken me, but I would not let Leah see me cry. "I wasn't hiding." I whispered out, but it was a lie. I was hiding, and Leah knew it. She laughed at me again.

"Yup, I'm so sure. Well, just wanted to make sure the rumors of your return were true. See you around Swan." Before I could even attempt at asking her who was talking about my return, to ask her why Jake was with my father when he had his heart attack, she turned around swiftly and was out the door, slamming it hard and loudly behind her.

After a moment of tense silence, Cass was at my side, shutting off the frying pan where one extremely burnt pancake sat. "Who in the hell was that crazy chick?" She asked.

"An old friend."

She harrumphed in my direction, because it was pretty apparent that Leah was no friend of mine, and mumbled out, "yeah some friend."

_**To be continued...**_


	5. Chapter Five

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Five: Bella POV**

Charlie came barreling down the stairs a moment later, rifle drawn, in absolute hysterics, "Bella, Cass? Girls are you safe? Who's there?" he yelled out. It took me a split second to figure out why he was acting like this, and realized that he thought the crashing sound of Leah slamming the door sounded like an intruder bursting into the house.

"We're fine Dad. The wind just picked up and slammed the door when I was closing it." I fibbed, trying my best not to let the giggles that were about to explode out of me at any second escape, Cass had her hand clamped tightly over her mouth as well – Charlie looked like a crazed maniac in pajamas with a gun, and his hair sticking out in a hundred different directions, bedhead.

"Geeze Bells, you scared the hell out of me. Trying to give your old man another heart attack?" He joked, but I didn't find the last part very funny.

"That's not anything to make jokes about Dad." I scolded, "Now please go hang the gun up and come have some breakfast." He nodded and made his way back up the stairs to put the gun away.

"Oh dear God, that was hysterical Bella. You're Dad was seriously about to bust a cap in someone's ass." Cass laughed out as she bent over clutching her stomach, trying to take in deep breaths to calm herself down.

"He's not use to having anyone in the house with him again I guess, it's been a few years." I shook my head and smiled at Cass, who was still trying to compose herself, and went back to the stovetop, pouring new pancake batter in the pan.

Charlie came back down about ten minutes later, this time looking much saner, now wearing a pair of jeans and a plaid button down, hair combed. We all ate in comfortable silence for a bit, but I needed to ask him something, and I hoped he would be truthful with me, and that the answer would not hurt too badly.

"Dad…" I started off, and he looked up from the newspaper he was reading, "Um, who was with you? You know, when you had your heart attack. You never told me who was here to call 911 for you." I wanted to know why Jake was here, but I did not want Charlie to know that I already had the answers to the questions I was asking.

He took in a sharp deep breath and wound up choking on the bite of omelet he had just put in his mouth. I instinctively went to his side and started patting his back, and after a few coughs, and chugs of juice he was able to catch his breath. "What was that about?" I asked.

"Uh, nothing, you just... caught me off guard with the questioning." I looked at him, confused.

"Okay, well I'm sorry, didn't mean to." I paused a moment and sat back down in my chair across from him, waiting for him to answer me. Finally after a few minutes of silence, I got frustrated, "So, what is it some kind of secret then, or are you going to tell me who was here?"

Charlie stared at me for what felt like an hour, the look in his eyes telling me everything I needed to know – he wasn't sure if he should tell me that Jake was here that day. To tell me that maybe Jake was here all the time, Leah did say he was at the hospital with Charlie a lot.

"Yeah, um, I was here by myself Bells. It was only a minor one, so… I was able to call the ambulance myself." He looked past me this time, while the lies slipped past his lips, and then flung the newspaper back up in front of his face, hiding the shame I am sure he wore at lying to his daughter.

I sat there, dumbstruck that Charlie would just blatantly lie to me like that, that he was withholding that Jacob was here with him. Why would he hide that? Cass looked at me, concern in her eyes, asking me without words what was going on. I just shrugged; I couldn't really do much more then that… But I could, I could demand Charlie tell me the truth.

"I know Jacob was here Dad, so why are you lying to me?" My voice was sharp. His hands gripped the paper tightly in the fists he was making, and his body went rigid and tense.

"And how do you know that Bella?" He sighed out.

"Leah was here this morning, and she mentioned that Jake was here that day. She mentioned that Jake's been spending a lot of time with you, everyday while you were in the hospital." He lowered the paper from his face slowly, and I shot daggers at my father through the small slit of my strained eyes.

"Oh Bells." He sighed out again after looking at me a moment, and the sad look on his face instantly melted away all the anger and frustration I was feeling, he seemed completely hopeless, and I knew I was the cause behind it.

"Dad tell me, explain to me. Please." I pleaded, and just then, Cass cleared her throat. I realized immediately that this father/daughter moment must have been uncomfortable for her, as her father who she was very close with, had died in a hunting accident five years ago.

I shot her an apologetic look, and she nodded her head and excused herself from the table. While she started walking past me, I could see the tears welling in her eyes. I grabbed her hand before she was completely out of the kitchen and gave it a reassuring squeeze, trying to comfort her. She smiled at me then, and went to sit in the living room.

"She gonna be okay?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, she's an incredibly strong person." I stood and slid into the chair that Cass had just occupied, and was now right next to Charlie's side. I grabbed his hand this time in both of mine, and looked at him with pleading eyes, "Tell me what's going on."

He took a moment to collect his thoughts, and I tried to make sense of the emotions dancing across his face. He seemed so happy that I was here now, that I was back at home and with him, but then he would flash to a look that just broke my heart into pieces.

"When you left," he started, pausing with a light cough, choking back tears I'm sure, "when you left Forks to go off to college, I was sad, naturally. I mean, I had only gotten a few short years back with you, and was really just so glad that you were here with me. But, I was okay with you going off to school, because I just… I just figured you would have come back, spent the summers with your old man, with your friends… _with Jake_." I reflexively pulled back at the mention of Jake, the way he said his name felt like a slap to my face, though I know that wasn't his intent, but he took my hand and pulled me back to him.

"It was just too hard." I whispered out, not even bothering to try to stop the tears from coming.

"I know baby," he put a hand to my cheek and wiped off a tear, and I pushed my face into his palm, I've missed my father so much. "It's just, you left a lot of people behind here, and all of them except me without a proper goodbye, without an explanation… and leaving your truck by the Black's garage, is not a goodbye Bella, and you know it." He didn't attempt to hide his disgust at that last part, hell I was disgusted with myself, so I didn't blame him.

"After you didn't come back that first summer, I knew… Honestly, I held out hope that you would have come home, but I guess I always knew that you probably wouldn't. But, when you really didn't, I just knew that when you had said goodbye that it was your last time here. Jake though, that boy took it hard, and refused to give up hope that you would come back. He really thought you would have realized you made some sort of mistake… or maybe that you missed him, missed me, enough to come home, even for just a quick visit, even just to explain to him why you had to leave without saying goodbye."

This was probably the longest conversation I had ever had with my father, and it was tearing me apart that this had to be the content of it. I knew I hurt Jake, hurt my father, the Pack and the Cullen's, when I just left, but to hear someone else saying it, to hear it from someone I loved so much, was almost too much to bear.

Charlie waited for me to respond, to say something, but everything I could think to say, just seemed like not enough. There was nothing I could say that would make what I did acceptable. So I just cried. I leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around me, and I just cried.

"I didn't want you to know Jake was here Bells, I didn't want to upset you like this by telling you all of it. Jacob's been here everyday Bella. Every single day for the past four years, he has come here for a few hours and waited with me, for you to come home, to come back to us." Charlie tightened his arms around me, and I just repeated "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry" over and over again in between my sobs into his shoulder.

* * *

"Alright Missy, you have some _serious_ explaining to do." Cass was wagging her finger at me, and getting very close to shaking me by the shoulders in frustration.

"What?" I asked innocently, though I knew she wanted me to explain everything that had happened this morning, between Leah's unexpected appearance, and then Charlie's and my heart to heart breakdown.

I had gone to sit down with Cass on the couch to make sure she was all right after Charlie and I had finished our conversation. Billy had just called, so he went upstairs in his room to take the call, and give Cass and me some privacy. I was so emotionally drained, and really did not know if I could lie to Cass about my past anymore.

"I've never pushed you Bella, never once tried to force you to tell me all the stuff you hide from me. But… this is getting ridiculous. Something big happened that has kept you from coming back here. Then this crazy chick comes in here, looks like she is about to chew your face off. And then, you're Dad's lying to you about this Jake guy, then the two of you are all crying and hugging. Bella, you are my best friend, and I love you, and I want to help you, but I can't help you get through this, face whatever this is, if you don't tell me what's going on."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I could not keep lying to her, and most of all I didn't want to any longer. I wanted to be able to share all my secrets with her, more then anything I just wanted someone to understand.

"I was engaged, when I was eighteen." I admitted, and she seemed a bit taken aback by that news since I had never even dated a single person while we were in school, and now I was telling her I was engaged, but she just nodded, and urged me to continue. "His name was Edward Cullen, and he was killed… right before I left for Florida. And he… was a… Vampire."

I waited. I waited for her to either burst into a fit of laughter, look at me like I needed to be committed, for something, anything, but instead she just looked at me, urging me, waiting for me to continue. "You believe me? That my fiancé was a Vampire? Just like that?"

"My father didn't die in a hunting accident Bella; there was no rabid bear or whatever. I saw his body before he was cremated. He had bite marks, like someone, a human someone, dug their razor sharp teeth all over his neck and wrists. He had no blood left in his body when they found him. An animal would not leave marks like that; they would not be able to drain his blood. I tried to get anyone else to admit it, to admit that it was a person and not an animal, but no one would. The police, the coroner, my own mother – not one person would try to see the obvious. So yea, if you tell me there are Vampires in this world Bella, I'm going to believe you."

I was dumbstruck again for the second time today. I had no idea. She never even hinted at thinking that was what had happened to her father. "I… I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, except to tell me the rest of the story. I want to understand, and maybe what you have to tell me, will help me better understand what happened to my father." A tear rolled down her cheek, and she took my hands in hers.

I told her everything. I started from the beginning when I first came back to Forks for my junior year in High school, when I first met Edward and the rest of the Cullen family. About Phoenix and James. I sobbed through the re-telling of how Edward left me after my 18th birthday party and how broken I was.

With a giant smile on my face, I told her about Jacob, the motorcycles, about how he brought me back to life from the inside out, and how he actually saved my life after I jumped from the cliff just to hear Edwards voice. I told her about the Pack, laughed as I reminisced about the crazy antics of the boys, and then tried my best to explain the whole Emily/Sam/Leah thing. I skimmed over Italy, not wanting to scare her too much about who the Volturi were, because in truth, they still scared the hell out of me, and I worried everyday that they would come looking for me.

I explained to her that Edward had only left to protect me, not because he didn't love me, and we got back together after I came home, and were engaged shortly there after. That he was going to change me after our wedding; that I wanted to be a Vampire too and be a part of his family.

"So what about Jacob though? The way you talk about him, it seems as if you were in love with him too, how did you just go back to Edward? How could you actually want to be a Vampire?" She asked, genuinely curious, and concerned by the choices that I wanted to make once upon a time. I swallowed hard, unsure how to explain to her my childish decisions.

"I was young Cass. I was young and in love, and I wanted to spend a million lifetimes with Edward. I did love Jake too, I just didn't realize it at the time. I didn't realize a lot of things at the time." I continued on and told her about Victoria, and the Newborns. Then, I finally broke.

"I just dismissed him. I told him to go back down with his family, with the wolves in the fight with the Newborns. I was so angry with him, but that does not make it right. The last moments that we spent together were being mad and hurt by him. He came back though. Victoria found us, and Edward came back to make sure that I was away and safe, and then he went to go and help Jacob fight her and the Vampires she brought with her. But he… he didn't survive. Jacob came back to the clearing where Edward had me hide with Seth, and he told me… Jake had to be the one to tell me Edward was killed." I had to take a moment to stop remembering, I needed to breathe. I was crying so hard, gasping for air.

Cass pulled me into her side and ran her fingers through my hair. After a few minutes, I was able to calm down a little, "I never got to tell him I loved him. I wasn't able to tell him I was sorry for being mad at him, to thank him for keeping me safe, for helping Jacob. I never got to tell him I loved him…"

She pushed me from her side and grasped my face with both hands, making me look her in the eyes, "He knew Bella. You know that he knew you loved him. You were willing to give up your humanity to spend forever with him. He knew you loved him." I shook my head in agreement, she was right, and I did know that. I've just let myself wallow in this for all these years because I just felt so guilty.

"So that's why you left though? Why you haven't come back?"

"Yes… and no."

She laughed, "What kind of answer is that Bella?"

"A truthful one, I'm still not entirely sure why I haven't come back. I guess it's just been everything. I left without saying goodbye. I felt too ashamed to come back after leaving like that. At first, it was because I didn't want to face this place, the place that took Edward away from me, to face all the people that tried to comfort me afterward, to come back to the people that reminded me of that day, of him. Then I was so embarrassed by the way I acted, just up and leaving everyone behind, acting like I blamed them for his death, I couldn't come back. And then…"

I trailed off, thinking about how I wanted to come home two months ago for Spring Break, to face my metaphorical demons, and then didn't when Charlie mentioned some new girl hanging around La Push and always being around Jake and the Black house. I couldn't come back when I knew Jacob imprinted.

"And then what?" She prodded.

"Jake's with someone now. That imprinting thing I mentioned before, with Sam and Emily, why Leah's such a bitch," we laughed, and then my smile instantly faded, "Jake found his imprint, so when I was going to try to come back, the last time I convinced myself I could… I found that out, and I wussed out. I realized finally how much I loved him then, how much I love him now, but I was too late, and now he's with the woman he's supposed to be with." She held onto my hand again, and we both sighed. I explained in detail imprinting to her, so she knew exactly what I did, there was no hope for Jake and me now.

"It'll be okay Bella, I promise. I'm here for you, you're Dad loves you to pieces. We will make this all better together. Even if you and Jake can't be together the way you want, you know he deserves an explanation, he deserves an apology for the way you left. And I'll be by your side, supporting you, and… even pushing you a little bit to get him that apology before we head back to Florida." She looked at me with a joking scowl, and I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could. I was just so relieved finally having all of that off my chest, and someone to share in all of this.

"We should do something tonight, it's a Friday night after all, and I think we could use some fun time." Cass suggested, her words muffled in my hair. Just as I was leaning back from her to suggest maybe driving down to Port Angeles to go see a movie, we heard Charlie coming down the stairs.

"Hey girls," he yelled out before entering the living room. "Billy invited us down to La Push tonight for a Bonfire, and I told him that we would be thrilled to come, and that includes the two of you." The look on his face told me he was not going to take no for an answer, but I had to try anyway.

"But Dad," I whined out, channeling my inner rebellious teenager, but Charlie interrupted me before I could continue.

"No 'buts' Bella. Billy is very excited to see you, and you cannot hide from your past forever… and you cannot put off facing Jacob anymore. You will do this baby, and you will do whatever you can to make things right with Jake, he deserves it, and so do you. Clear?" He was in full Charlie Swan Cop-Dad mode, giving me no way out, but I knew he was right.

I had to face everyone, and I had to talk to Jake, I had to apologize to him, even if that was not enough. I looked over to Cass, she squeezed my hand tight, reassuring me that she was in this with me, and she would be by my side if I needed her to be. I looked back to Charlie, and with a shrug of my shoulders, I mumbled out an 'okay', and the decision was made. I was going to La Push tonight. I was going to face the Pack, and I was going to face Jacob… and the woman who now held his heart.

_**To be continued...**_


	6. Chapter Six

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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_Have you lost your way?  
Living in the shadow of the mess that you made.  
And so it goes,  
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow._

_You give back what you give away,  
So don't look back on yesterday__*****_

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**Chapter Six: Bella POV**

The drive to La Push was torture. Every emotion in my body was screaming at me to jump out of the car at the next red light, and run, to not stop running, and to run all the way back to Florida. I cursed myself for coming back to Forks in the first place, for not fighting harder with Charlie about going to this bonfire tonight, for just giving in. I did not want to be here. I did not want to face all the people that now hated me. More then anything, I did not want to see Jake give _my smile_ to some other woman.

"I'm gonna go sit with Billy, make sure you come over to say hello to him Bella," Charlie said as he walked towards where Billy sat with Sue Clearwater near the fire.

I stood at the edge of where the gravel for parking the cars separated the gray sand of the beach I had not seen in years. It was an unexpected warm summer night, and the sky was clear and filled with twinkling stars. The fire was ablaze a short distance away, the embers dancing a waltz in the dark night sky. Near the waters edge the Pack was playing a game of football, and my heart began to race as my eyes glanced over each of them, looking for Jacob, who wasn't there as far as I could tell.

On the opposite end of where the Elders were sitting, Emily was with Kim and another women about my age, setting out all the food to feed the Army of wolves. I instantly felt sick in my stomach as I took in the third woman. I did not recognize her from any of the other times I was here in the past; She was strikingly beautiful, tall with tanned skinned and dark, short black hair, and she reminded me so much of Leah, an Amazonian princess. I wondered if she was Jacob's imprint. I immediately didn't want to know.

"Damn Bella, why didn't you mention how hot these guys were?" Cass blurted out, thinking that no one but me would be able to hear her. All the guys in the Pack stopped playing their game instantly, and all eyes were in our direction, staring between the both of us.

"Cass, they can hear you." I whispered out, and a bright red blush crept up her chest to her cheeks. She recovered quickly though, and with her famous, _'I know I'm sexy'_ smile, she gave all the boys a wave and a wink, flipping her hair.

"Oh right, I forgot, sonic hearing or whatever… Anyway, come on, we look like idiots just standing here." She grabbed my hand and began pulling me down the beach to where my father was sitting. I resisted at first, but just gave in; I really had no fight left in me anymore.

"Hello Billy, it's good to see you." I said in a meek voice as we approached them.

"Bella, good to see you finally decided to come home. Charlie here's been a mess without you." He gave a light punch to my fathers shoulder. Billy was trying act like he was being playful, but the look on my father's face, even if he tried to hide it with a smile, was that he really had been a mess this whole time. Moreover, the tone that Billy used was light, but hinting that he was not just talking about Charlie being a mess since I left, he fully meant his son as well.

"You should go see Emily. She's been excited to see you since I told her this afternoon you planned to come by." Billy was dismissing me as nicely as he could, obviously angry that I had hurt Jacob so badly. I wondered if he had warned Jacob I would be here, and then I feared that was why he was not here yet, he was avoiding me.

I nodded instead of questioning anything, said a quick goodbye, and Cass and I made our way over to Emily, who was, luckily for me, alone now; aside from the three small children that were running circles around her legs that is.

"Bella Swan." Emily said as she caught me walking towards her. "It's been a very long time, hasn't it?"

"Yes, it has." We hugged for only a moment before one of the little boys squeezed in between us and practically crawled up into Emily's arms. "And who are these little ones?"

"This squirmy one is my son Eli, and these two crazy ones," She gestured to the boy and girl chasing one another, "are Maggie and Lincoln; they'll be three next week. My life, is hectic." She laughed out, and the smile on her face, accompanied with this glow that being a mother gave her, just melted my heart. She seemed incredibly happy. And I envied her with a passion.

"Well congratulations, triplets? That is just… I had no idea… Oh, and Emily I'd like you to meet my friend Cass." They exchanged pleasantries, but before we could continue our conversation, the woman that was with Emily before was walking back towards us with a tray of food. My body tensed, my mouth went dry.

"Hi I'm Olivia, but Liv is fine." She said to me in a monotone voice, seeming like she was trying not to make eye contact with me. However, she shot out her hand, outstretched to shake mine after she had set down the food. I tried to speak, I tried to move, but I couldn't. I knew without a doubt in my mind that this was the woman that was spending so much time with Jacob, his imprint.

"Liv this is Bella Swan, she's Charlie's daughter, and this is her friend Cass. They are here in town visiting for the summer." Emily noticed my struggle, and though she didn't know why, she happily interjected and saved me from further embarrassing myself. Liv instantly tensed even more as well at my name, she knew who I was, and I wondered exactly what she knew about me to cause that sort of reaction.

"It's… It's nice to meet you." I was finally able to fight out, and took her hand in mine… and her hand was _on fire_. She was a werewolf, that much I could know for sure, I would know that warmth anywhere. I took in a gasp of air, and stumbled back a few steps. Cass caught me from behind before I fell, and straighten me back out. All three of them looked at me curiously, but then Emily caught on and shook her head as to answer the question I hadn't said aloud – Liv was apart of the Pack now.

"Um, I'm going to go grab the rest of the food, be back in a few minutes." Liv gave me another quick glance, looking at me in a way I really couldn't describe, and then was quickly out of sight.

"Olivia is a cousin of mine and Leah's. She came down here from Canada about six months ago to live with Sam and me. She was having a rough time at home, and we could obviously use the extra set of adult hands around with all the kids. We never expected the change to happen to her, but then again she was never around Vampires back home." Emily trailed off, and looked over to the Pack who had picked up their game again.

"I guess you can't really ever expect it Emily." I immediately felt sorry for the woman who, only a few minutes ago, I hated. I hated her because she had Jake. "Wait!" My sudden change in tone made both Cass and Emily jump. "Sorry," I laughed out lightly, but was instantly back at my quest for answers, "is she… um, Charlie had mentioned that Jacob," I coughed, giving myself a second to organize my thoughts, "he said Jacob had been spending a lot of time with someone, is that who…"

"Yes, Jacob has been spending a lot of time with her, helping her after the transformation." Emily said bluntly, and even though that was clearly answering what I was trying to ask, it still left the underlining question my voice refused to say, _is she Jake's imprint_, unanswered. But again, before I could say anything more, Liv was back beside us with more trays of food, and my opportunity had passed as she called out to everyone to come and eat.

* * *

The next hour was a blur. I sat next to Cass tightly on a log by the fire. She barely took her eyes off the Pack once, and I was too scared to make eye contact with anyone. Everyone ate and laughed and joked, and it was like any old ordinary bonfire I use to come to, with the exception now that no one was trying to talk to me, I felt ridiculously out of place, and Jacob was no where to be found. I wanted to ask Emily where he was, but she had her hands full with the kids, and Sam was always next to her. I decided that it was probably just best for me to sit here, and try to stay invisible.

Suddenly however, the loud conversations ceased, the only sound the crackle of the fire, and of the children playing. I looked up instinctively to see what had happened, what would cause everyone to go so silent at the same time, and as my eyes reached past the fire, they were met by Jacob's dark almost black eyes starring back at me, _and he looked pissed._

I stood up, despite the fact that I did not want to move. It was as if my body and mind were disharmonious. I wanted to slump down and hide, but instead I started walking towards Jake. I wanted to walk back to the car, but instead I was at his side.

"Jacob." I whispered out. I waited for him to say something, to acknowledge I was standing right there in front of him, but he just looked at me, his hands shaking, and his body rigid. Tears stung at my eyes as I took him in. He seemed older, not from age, but from years of sadness.

I cried openly, tears streaming down my face as I held my hand out to him, and he just looked at it, and then dismissed my advance for some sort of physical contact with him by taking a step back from me. I opened my mouth to say something else to him, but instead, my body was working against my mind again. I turned and was quickly walking away from him, away from everyone.

Cass tried to follow after me, but I waved her off as to tell her that I just needed to be alone. I walked for almost a half an hour, tripping several times, until I found what I was looking for; the large piece of driftwood that stuck out above the water, the one where Jacob and I sat so many times and just talked for hours.

I sat down in the sand, leaning my body into the wood, with my face lying in my arms, and cried. I cried because there was nothing else I could do. Jacob hated me, he wouldn't even speak to me or touch me, and it was all my fault.

_Wanna scream out,  
No more hiding.  
Don't be afraid of what's inside._

_You give back what you give away,  
So don't look back on yesterday._

_Before you break, you have to change your own mind.  
Take a trip and fall into the pit,_

_So all you feel is love,  
All you feel is love.__*****_

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"You know it's not safe to be walking off on your own like that." I swung around towards the sound of the beautiful husky voice, the voice of the man I so desperately wanted to hold me right now, to tell me that the last four years did not happen, and that everything was perfectly fine between us.

"Jacob, you came after me?" I questioned, hoping that maybe things were not as bad as I feared lacing each of my words.

"I told you, it's not safe, especially right now with only one wolf and one Cullen on patrol while the rest of the Pack is slacking off at the bonfire." I wiped the tears out of my eyes, and off my cheeks. I looked up at him with my eyebrows tight in confusion, I was sure I heard him say Cullen, but that couldn't be right, I had no idea they were still in town.

"I don't understand."

"Emmett is out on patrol with Paul now. I was out there the past few hours with Alice, but I had Paul take over for me for a while so I could try to get something to eat and get some sleep." Jacob's tone was short and to the point. He seemed very unhappy to have to talk to me right now, and my heart just continued to break.

"So… so you and the Cullen's work together now?" I couldn't help but stutter, and sound like a little child that was being punished. I crouched down into myself, sinking further down into the sand.

Jacob held out his hand to me instead of answering me. I looked at it for a moment, and as I took his hand in mine, the warmth and the electricity that flowed through my entire being from touching him, made me, just for even a second, go back in time, to an easier time where Jake and I would hold hands and walk on the beach together.

Nevertheless, that feeling was short lived, as he dropped my hand the minute I was securely standing back on my feet.

"We've built a decent relationship with them over the years. It's easier to keep all of Forks and La Push protected with us working together. We haven't had a death since that last fight when… in a while." He looked away from me, and started walking back in the direction I had come from, "Let's go, I'm not gonna leave you out here alone."

I felt a sudden serge of... something – anger, hurt, disappointment, longing, perhaps a mixture of all of them, but it gave me the courage to finally stand tall and decide that I was not going to leave things like this between Jacob and me.

"Jake, wait, we need to talk about this." I yelled out to him. He stopped short, but did not turn around.

"What's there to talk about Bella?" He said through what sounded liked a tight jaw, still with his back to me, still a good length away from me. I walked towards him, and as I got closer, I could see all the muscles in his back tense – he was only in pair of cut off grey sweats, and I couldn't help but take in every one of those muscles.

I reached my hand up to touch his shoulder, to try to pull him around to look at me, but the second before my hand would have touched the skin I longed for, Jake spun around and grabbed my arm lightly, "Don't you dare think you can just touch me like that." The words seethed from his lips, cutting into my ears with the venom that accompanied them. He dropped my arm before he even got the last word out.

His tone, and complete disregard towards me, caused me to stumble back. I caught myself before I fell, and looked at him in complete disbelief. I knew he was upset with me, but the way he was treating me, as if I was some sort of leper, was incredibly uncalled for.

"What is your problem?" I managed to say louder then I expected.

"What is my problem?" He asked with a laugh, and shook his head at me. "You have got to be kidding me Bella. You really think you can just show up like this? After all this time, and what? Expect me to just be okay with it?"

"Well… no but, I didn't think…" All the enthusiasm I tried to have in confronting him before was vanishing, and I was reverting back to feeling like a child that was being beaten down. He cut me off before I could finish speaking anyway.

"That's the problem Bella, you never think! You never think about anyone but yourself!" He was yelling at me, his face so close to mine that I could taste his breath mixed with mine. I couldn't help the tears that were forming in my eyes, but I didn't want to cry. I wanted to stay strong and not let Jacob see how badly he was hurting me right now. Because really, what right did I have to be hurt now after what I had put him through? I deserved everything he was throwing at me.

I stepped back from him, and looked out to the water, the waves crashing in against each other. "Jake, I never meant for it to be like this. I just couldn't stay here, why can't you just understand that? Why can't you just let me tell you that I'm sorry." He was silent for a moment, and I dared to look over to him. He seemed to be fighting some inner battle, and I hoped it was over whether or not he could hear me out, whether or not he felt he could forgive me.

_But then again.  
It's like one thousand paper cuts,  
soaked in vinegar.  
Like the battles within yourself,  
that leave you insecure.  
It's all just a numbing charade  
Until the day you finally wake up,  
and you're not afraid.__******_

"I don't want your apologies." He barely whispered out, and was walking away from me again.

I stood there for a moment, a fire burning inside of me; I was furious he was just leaving like that. "You know what?" I yelled out to him, but he kept walking. "You're being a complete asshole Jacob!" I brought my hands over my mouth, clasping them tightly, and my eyes went wide. I could not believe that just came out of me.

Jacob had turned around and was next to me before I even realized he moved; his face an inch away from mine again. "Excuse me?"

I took in a deep breath, channeled every ounce of strength I had, "You heard me. You. Are. Being. An. Asshole." I exaggerated each word, and used my index finger to point into his hard chest to illustrate my frustration with him, hurting myself in the process. But it was worth it for the look on his face, he was completely taken aback, and speechless. "What, don't have anything to say now?"

He narrowed his eyebrows, and clenched and unclenched his jaw, never once breaking eye contact with me. I stood my ground, never waived in my stance. "And how exactly, am I the one, being the asshole in this situation?"

"Because you won't let me explain, you won't let me apologize."

"I told you I don't want to hear how sorry you are… _it's too late to apologize_."

"Then at least just talk to me like I'm not your enemy. At least act like at one point in time you cared about me." We still only had the smallest amount of space separating our lips, his forehead almost touching mine. If this were one of the many romance novels I read, Jacob would have pulled me tightly to him, and took my lips to his, a kiss in the midst of a lover's passionate quarrel. But this wasn't some book, this was real life, and it was obvious Jacob was never to be my lover.

"Act like I cared about you at one time?" He yelled out and brought his hands to grasp my shoulders firmly, just enough to make his point, and not to hurt me. He pushed against me until I was wedged between his body and the driftwood, the heat of his body pulsating into me as he towered over me, his eyes penetrating into mine. "I've never _not _cared about you Bella, you were the one that left, remember?"

"I didn't go to leave _you_ behind Jacob. I left because I couldn't be here anymore." He starred at me for a moment longer, then released his grasp on me, and took two steps back away from me. I instantly craved to have his body close to mine again.

"Regardless of your reasons for leaving Bella, you still left. You left without even having the decency to say goodbye to me, without giving me a chance to fight for you, to beg you to stay. You've been gone for four years without even trying to call me once. So please explain how I'm the asshole right now?" He was calmer now, and as he relaxed, the anger inside of me grew stronger.

"A phone works both ways! You could have called me too you know! You expect me to believe you have been at my house, with my father, everyday and never thought to ask him for my cell phone number? You never thought that maybe I was waiting for you to come and ask me to come back?" I yelled back to him as I moved to close the gap in between us.

"You know I could never have left La Push to come after you. Especially not now." He said the last part in a voice I almost couldn't even hear.

"Why especially not now? Because you've… because you imprinted." I didn't say it as a question, because I knew that is what he meant.

"What? No, not because, wait… what?" Jake shook his head in confusion, and took another step back from me.

"You, and that girl, Emily's cousin, I mean I heard… and I just assumed…"

"Olivia? Are you being serious right now?" He laughed out.

"Yes, of course I'm being serious." I narrowed my eyes at him and put my hands on my hips; I did not like that he thought this was all some joke or something.

"No, she has nothing to do with this Bella. I'm the Alpha now. I took over for Sam when the kids were born and he decided to stop phasing. That's why I can't leave. I'm needed here." His tone was serious again, and the news that he took over the Alpha duties took me by complete surprise – Jake never even wanted any of the Pack responsibilities in the first place.

"Wow, I didn't think that's something you would ever do."

"Yeah, well, I didnt have much else going on around here once you left." His tone was harsh again, and even though I wanted to get angry again for the way he was speaking to me, I couldn't. I needed to know everything first.

"Is Liv you're imprint?" I wasn't going to dance around this anymore. He managed to not answer it directly before, but he was going to tell me now. We needed to get this over with.

"No, she's not."

_**To be continued...**_

_I'd take another chance,_  
_Take a fall, take a shot for you._  
_I need you like a heart needs a beat,_  
_But it's nothin' new._  
_I loved you with a fire red,_  
_Now it's turnin' blue..._  
_And you say..._  
_Sorry, like an angel_  
_Heaven let me think was you..._  
_But I'm afraid..._

_It's too late to apologize._  
_It's too late._  
_I said it's too late to apologize._  
_It's too late.***_

_

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*** "Aftermath" by Adam Lambert**

**** "Battles" by The Spill Canvas**

***** "Apologize" by OneRepublic (pretty much the theme of the chapter as a whole!)**


	7. Chapter Seven Teaser

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Seven Teaser**

**Has been removed. The full chapter seven is now posted!! :)**

**XoXo - Vanessa  
**


	8. Chapter Seven

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Seven: Bella POV**

_"No, she's not." _He paused, but the relief I felt wash over me, knowing he was not bound to another woman, only lasted a moment before he spoke again. "But really Bella, what does it matter? What good does it do to talk about any of this?" He threw his arms up in the air, creating a distance between our bodies that I hated.

"It matters Jake because I want you to know… I _need_ you to know that… that I…" I stopped, unsure if this was the right time to tell him that I loved him, that leaving him behind like that was the worst mistake I ever made, wondering if he would even care if I did tell him.

"It doesn't Bella, it doesn't matter. Even if you had said goodbye to me, would my begging you to stay made any difference? I tried that once before. I begged you to stay with me, to be with me, and you went off to Italy anyway. You just went off to be with someone else, and came back an acted like whatever we had between us was… _nothing_. And that's exactly how you left the second time, like there was nothing between us. So please, explain to me how my not being imprinted to Liv makes any difference?" He shrugged his shoulders, and just shook his head.

"If I could go back, to change it all, I would. I would have explained to you why I needed to leave, and I would have said goodbye, but, you're right, I still would have left." I walked close to him again, and placed my hand to his cheek. He tensed at first, but then slowly relaxed and pushed his face into the palm of my hand, closing his eyes. "I would have left because I needed this time away to grow up, to realize how many mistakes I was actually making."

He opened his eyes slowly, deliberately looking past me at first, and then meeting my eyes. "What mistakes were you making?" He whispered, his warm breath dancing across my lips.

"Not choosing you in the first place. Not realizing what was right in front of me until it was too late." I whispered out as well, edging my lips even closer to his. I so wanted him to kiss me.

"And it's too late now?" He asked in nothing but a whisper again, his bottom lip actually touching mine as he spoke the words, sending a current of pure electricity through my body, and a shiver down my spine.

"I think that's a question that I should be asking you." I took my hand down from his cheek, and leaned my face up towards him. Jacob brought both of his strong rough hands up from his sides, placing one on the back of my neck and the other to brush a stray hair from my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. I closed my eyes, and held my breath, waiting to feel the warmth of Jacob's lips against mine. He gripped the hair at the nape of my neck in his fist and pressed his forehead against mine. And I waited. And I was waiting for nothing.

"We can't do this. I can't just let this happen." He spoke near my lips. I opened my eyes and looked to see all the hurt and fear Jacob was wearing starring back at me.

"But Jake…"

"No, Bella." He took his hands off me, and took a step back away again. "I can't just let you come back and… and just act like things are alright between us… because they're not."

"Tell me what to do Jake. I'll do anything to make this better." I begged, walking towards him, only to have him walk further away from me.

"Unless you can erase all the pain, all the torture, that I have felt the past four years, then, there is nothing that you can do right now." He turned away from me, wringing his cropped hair through his fingers. "Come on. We need to get back to the bonfire." I opened my mouth to try to protest, but I shook my head in agreement instead, knowing that I would not be able to put up any sort of fight.

Jacob walked ahead of me the entire way back. He never spoke, never looked back at me once. When everyone noticed we had returned they all went silent again, and starred between the two of us. I quickly went over to Charlie, with tears in my eyes, and begged him leave. After he saw how upset I was, it honestly did not take much to convince him. I grabbed Cass by the forearm; she was standing closely between Seth and Brady, and told her it was time to go. We all left, and drove in silence back to Forks.

* * *

"Bella, just because he _didn't_ kiss you, doesn't mean he didn't _almost_ kiss you, ya know? That means there is serious potential there for the two of you to eventually be able to kiss and make up." Cass said with a smirk as she pulled on a t-shirt to sleep in.

"You didn't see the way he looked at me. You did not hear the way he spoke to me, didn't see the way he practically just dismissed me completely. The damage is done, and I don't think there is any way to repair it." I slumped into my bed and threw the covers over my head, I just wanted to hide and never come out.

I felt the bed shift to my right side as Cass came and sat down next to me, uncovering the blankets from my face. "Miss Isabella Swan, I refuse to let you give up that easily. You might not have seen it, but I certainly saw the way that boy looked at you as you practically dragged me to the car. He looked like he was about to run after you and swing you around in the air or something, declaring his love for you. Jacob still has it bad for you, so, stop thinking it's just over and done with."

"What more can I do? I told him I regret the things I did. I told him it was a mistake not to have chosen him in the first place. Please tell me what else I can do?" I was pleading with her, because honestly I wanted someone to be able to tell me how I could fix everything between Jacob and me.

"You beg, you grovel, you… I don't you, you get on your hands and knees and tell him over and over again how sorry you are until you're blue in the face."

I looked at her for a moment, brows furrowed, eyes pinched tight. I doubted that just telling him how sorry I was would make any bit of difference. She shrugged and moved to lie down on the mattress on the floor. "You think that will really work?" I asked, hope in my voice.

"Hmm… maybe… eventually. It'll take time, and maybe if you're in a low cut shirt and a tight skirt when you're doing all that hands and knees begging," I tossed a pillow at her head to stop that direction of thought, and for the first time today I got to laugh. I laughed, maybe slightly manically, until my sides hurt, and we were both breathing heavily, tears drenching our faces.

"Oh, my goodness…" I panted out, "I'll do the begging, maybe the low cut shirt, but no skirts!"

"Okay, okay, no skirts, just don't hit me again." We laughed for another moment, and then both sighed and sunk into our beds. "Alright, sleep is imperative right now. This has been one crazy long ass day. I promise we'll figure this out Bella, but tomorrow is a new day." We said our goodnights and I closed my eyes, hoping that I would actually get a decent night sleep.

Just as exhaustion was about to over take me, I heard the sound of a wolf howling in the woods near my house. It didn't sound distressed or in danger, the sound was sad and upset. I knew it was Jacob, and I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could take away all the pain that I had caused him.

* * *

"Bella! It's wakey uppy time!" Cass was yelling out, jumping on my bed, and jostling me all over the place. I looked up at her through sleepy eyes, and the look I gave her made her instantly stop and stand still above me.

"You are such a child sometimes." I practically growled out.

"You love me. Now, come on, take a shower, put on a bathing suit and some shorts, and let's go!" Her enthusiasm was completely lost on me, because I was in no way hearing her correctly.

"Why in the name of all that is holy, would I want to put on a bathing suit?" I flopped my head back down onto my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping she would just disappear or something. I had a horrible night sleep, which was not unexpected. My dreams were invaded with the words Jacob spoke to me, and the looks that he gave me the night before.

"Um, because we're going to the beach, that's why! It's like ridiculously nice out, which I'm guessing is seriously rare around these parts." I dared to open one of my eyes, and peaked towards my window. It was sunny, which she was right, was rare. I sighed and sat up as she jumped off the bed and walked to my window to open it up fully. The balmy summer air that flowed in and covered my skin reminded me so much of Florida, and nothing like rainy Forks, Washington. Cass was bouncing on her heels shaking her head as to tell me to agree to her beach plans.

I gave her a bit of a sideways glance, the last place I really wanted to go again was back to La Push, but it really would have been a waste of such an unusually nice day to _not_ go to the beach. "Ugh, fine, let me get ready."

"Yay!" She squealed out while clapping her hands. I couldn't help but smile at her, her light hearted attitude towards life never ceased to make me feel even the slightest bit better.

Charlie was still sleeping when we left, so I made him a quick and healthy breakfast, wrapped it up, and left him a note letting him know where we'd be all day, and how long to reheat his food.

We took Cass's convertible for the drive down, and with the top down, music blasting, we sung horribly along together to some god-awful pop songs. It was nice to let go for a little while, to just enjoy acting silly and smiling… that feeling however, like so many things lately in my life, was short lived when we pulled up to the beach.

"Ooooh, some of the boys are here!" Cass was wearing a wicked look, and I knew that I had just lost her for the rest of the day. She would now certainly be spending her time flirting with the Pack guys, and I became extremely grateful that I remembered to grab a book before we left. I figured that some of the guys would wind up being here, so I had prepared myself for at least that. I just hoped that Jake would not show up, and have to go through a repeat of last night.

We walked in the sand until we found a spot to lie out near the water's edge. Living in Florida for so many years finally gave me an appreciation for a tan, and I was actually a little excited that I would be able to soak up some sun for a few hours.

Cass was in a silvery metallic, barely there, bikini. The second she pulled off the clothes she was wearing to cover her suit, the guys stopped, and stared hard at her with their jaws pretty much on the floor. "Getting a good look boys?" She yelled out, and they all tried to look in different directions, acting nonchalant.

"You're horrible." I laughed out and rolled my eyes at her. I pulled my T-shirt over my head, and slipped my shorts off. I was in a black bikini, that covered a bit more skin then Cass's did, and lay down on the towel I had put down.

"Eh, whatever." She shrugged, put on her sunglasses and sat down next to me. "You know, it's probably a good thing that Jacob isn't here right now." I sat up on my elbows and looked at her curiously, waiting for her explanation. "Oh Bella, so naïve - Because of the way his friends keep looking at you, duh." I glanced over to where Paul and Jared where throwing Seth and Brady into the water, and did in fact catch Embry and Quil starring at me, and then quickly looking away when they were caught.

"They're looking at me like that because Jake is their best friend, and they probably want to tell me off or something." I lay back down and rolled over onto my stomach.

"Oh they want to tell you something, that's for sure. Like how fabulous your ass looks right now." She laughed and rolled over as well.

"You do realize, again, that they can hear you even from way over there!" I tried to use a hushed whisper, but my voice was a little louder then I wanted it to come out.

"Bella, you telling this girl Pack secrets?" Quil yelled out, and I looked up to find Embry and him walking towards us with big smiles plastered across their faces. _Crap._

"Aw, why all the secrecy boys? Don't you want to impress me with your mad werewolf skills?" Cass joked, _and flirted_, with them as they sat down in the sand next to us. I suddenly became self-conscious, realizing just how little I really was wearing now that they were in such close proximity. I sat up and pulled half of my towel over my lap.

"So you told her everything?" Embry asked, voice stern, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Well…" I hesitated, I knew I shouldn't have told Cass about the wolves, that it was a secret I was expected to keep, but I wasn't really sure if they were actually just messing with me, or if they really would be mad that I had told her. "Yeah, kinda." They both looked at me for a moment like they were going to ream into me, and as I sunk back, scared and awaiting the wrath, a smile crept on their faces, and they busted out into a fit of laughter.

"Oh my god, the look on your face Bella, priceless." Embry managed to get out as he fell back in the sand clutching his sides, the laughter showing no signs of subsiding.

"Seriously girl, loosen up. A lot of people from the Res have been let in on the secret the past few years. It's kinda obvious that we're not ageing." Quil said as he scooted closer to Cass, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

"And it's not like I'm going to go around telling people. Don't need everyone looking at me like I'm certifiable." She replied as she stood up and brushed sand off her. "I'm gonna go for a swim."

"That water is freezing Cass!" I exclaimed.

"I can help keep her warm." Seth bellowed out towards us as he walked out of the water. Brady ran after him and tackled him back into the water.

"Not if I get to her first!" He screamed, and the two of them began wrestling, both in and out of the water.

"Come on Quil, you'll protect me from all those big bad wolfs won't you?" Cass batted her eyes at him and held out her hand for him to take. I was going to need to remind myself later to tell her that he was imprinted already to Claire, to save her that heartbreak. He took her hand though, and they walked over to where Jared was trying to separate Seth and Brady.

At first, I was too afraid to look at Embry, but chanced it anyway. He had stopped laughing and had now situated himself to sit in front of me. "Soooo." He dragged out the word, and I could literally feel the tension in the air. "Um, you talked to Jake last night huh?"

He probably already knew all about it if he had phased at the same time as Jake at all since then, but I figured I would humor him anyway. "Yeah, it's was great." I said in a solemn and completely sarcastic tone.

"Yup, I caught on that it didn't really go all that well." We both just nodded. "He'll come around Bella. Just give it time." He brought his hand to touch my shoulder in a comforting manner, and the warmth that soaked into my skin from his just made me feel worse; that kind of heat will always remind me too much of Jacob.

"I don't think he will." I looked down at my hands in my lap. I could feel the tears begging to escape.

"You don't get to see inside his head like I do." We both let out a low, almost sad sounding chuckle. "He wants to forgive you, he's just being stubborn."

"Cass told me I should beg, hands and knees and all that." I looked up to him and with a bit of a smirk on his face; he shrugged his shoulders, and nodded his head.

"It couldn't hurt." He agreed. "Anyway, I should get going, I have to pick up patrols in a few minutes." Embry stood, wiping the sand off his shorts, and I stood as well and hugged him. He was leery at first, probably confused why I was hugging him, but then wrapped his arms around me, and I let my mind imagine it was Jacob enveloping me in the fire-ridden cocoon.

"Thank you for being so nice to me, after… after everything." I said, and he lightly pushed me off his chest to look me in the eyes.

"Anytime." Was all he said as he started to walk back up the beach. He stopped though after half a minute and whipped around, "Oh, just to warn you, Jake is going to be here any minute." He winked at me and with an evil grin, turned back around, and ran up the beach until I couldn't see him anymore. _Crap again!_

_

* * *

_

"Cassandra!" I called out frantically after I stood like an idiot starring at where Embry had just disappeared. I needed to leave. Right. Now. We needed to get out of here before Jacob showed up. I started throwing all of our stuff in bags, freaking out, and just winding up dropping everything because my hands were shaking so badly.

"Where's the fire Bella? In some sort of rush to get out of here?" I froze, bending down with my hand around a suntan lotion bottle, my butt up in the air. _Jacob._ Seriously? Just, crap, crap, crap! I looked like a complete fool.

"Um…" I didn't look up at him, I didn't dare.

He laughed lightly, "Um is always such a good answer." I stayed still, eyes on the ground. After a moment of silence, I looked up and found Jacob not standing in front of me. I quickly darted my eyes all over the beach and finally spotted him sitting down in the sand down by the water. I also noticed that Cass was not here anymore. That no one but Jacob and I were.

_This was a set up. _

How or when Cass and the guys had time to set this up, I have no idea, but there was no doubt in my mind that getting me and Jacob here, and then suddenly having us be alone, was set up by them somehow.

I did not know what to do. Do I just go back to the car and wait for Cass to show up? Do I sit here and hope Jacob comes back to talk to me? On the other hand, do I take the initiative, start the groveling process now, and go over and talk to Jake? _Yes._ This was on me. I had to be the one to go to Jake and beg for the forgiveness that I so utterly did not deserve.

I walked slowly over to him, and though I knew he could hear me, he never looked towards me. I sat down next to him, brushing my bare leg against his. He didn't move, and stared straight ahead. "So, are we going to make a habit out of never making eye contact with one another?" I asked, and Jacob snorted.

"Seems like that doesn't it?" He took a moment, then finally met my eyes, and actually smiled at me. The sun that was shining down on us did not even compare to light he gave off. Even after all this time, he was still my light in the darkness. Jacob would always be the air that I needed to breathe in just to survive another day.

"Jacob… I am so, so sorry."

"I know you are Bella."

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

"I hope so."

"There is just so much that I want to say," I shook my head and dropped my gaze from him. "I just don't know how to say any of it. I don't know how to say it, and make you believe it, to trust that it's the truth."

_Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.  
By now, you should've somehow realized what you gotta do.  
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now._

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding.  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.  
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.__*****_

Jacob brought his hand under my chin and tipped my face back up to look him in the eyes. I expected him to drop his hand, but he left it there, and it burned right into my soul.

"Why don't I just accept your apology first?" He said with a slight smile.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, I never will." I tried to look away again, I wanted to hide the tears that were flowing freely now, but he held my face steady in front of his, wrapping his other arm around my bare back and pulling me closer, and on to his lap.

He brushed his hand up, wiping away my tears with his thumb. "Everyone deserves forgiveness Bella, even you… Things are different now though, we're both different people then we use to be."

"What are you trying to say?" I tensed, worrying that the words he spoke next would be the end to any possibilities we might have.

"We can't just go back, we can't just pretend like nothing happened. We've both been through a lot and we've both grown up a lot, but to think we can have whatever it was that we use to have again between us is just childish." He said solemnly, as if the words he was saying were forced, and not his own. He released his arm from around my back and took his hand down from my cheek, but I stayed on his lap, it was the only place I wanted to be.

"Can't we start over instead of going back? Start from right now, just like this, just you and me?" I asked with hope lacing each of my words, leaning my chest against his.

"Bella, you know there is no starting over. There is no way for us just to forget everything that has happened in the past." He moved me gently from his lap back to the sand, and stood up slowly. "I am glad that you're back though, and I hope you plan to stay for a while, because..." He paused, and for a moment, I thought he was going to tell me he wanted me to stay because maybe, someday soon, we could figure this out between us, "...because Charlie is a complete mess when you're not around, so… you should stick around for a bit, for him that is." I stared at him for a moment, I looked deep into his eyes, and he looked back into mine.

"Is that the only reason you think I should stay?" I asked, and he took a minute before he responded, a sly smile crept across his lips.

"And, maybe, if you stuck around, we could try to be friends again. We can't start over, but who knows what the next few months will hold," He winked at me, and before I could respond, he was running down the beach, and out of my line of sight.

_**To be continued**_...

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*** "Wonderwall" by Oasis**


	9. Chapter Eight JacobPOV

**_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended._**

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_****Chapter Eight - Jacob's POV**

No matter how much I wanted to stay with Bella, no matter how much I wanted to hold on to her, to kiss her and tell her that we could start over, I couldn't. I needed to walk away from her. I've waited for her for as long as I could remember, but now that she was actually here, actually in front of me and begging me to forgive her; I knew it was the right thing to do. I couldn't just give into her that easily. I didn't want her to think I was being weak.

'_If you want my opinion you're being a complete idiot, not weak.'_ Embry chimed in while catching the tail of my self-loathing; I had phased practically the moment I was out of Bella's line of sight.

'_Thanks dude, appreciate it.'_ I phased back to human form without another word, threw on my shorts, and started the short walk back to my house. I did not want to deal with anyone in my head right now.

I should go back and finish talking with Bella. I know she's sorry, I know she regrets everything. I couldn't really help overhearing the conversations she's been having with her friend while I'm by her house at night, so I've gotten a pretty good idea at how sorry she truly is. But… it's time to make her wait. She's made me wait four years, why is it so horrible that I make her wait a few days? If she knows anything, then she should know that I've never stopped loving her… hell, she knows that I was visiting with Charlie every day.

Granted, that was more because the house still smelled like her then me actually waiting their like some lost puppy for her to come home. I wasn't stupid enough to show up there everyday with some silly notion that she would walk through the door or something. It was more that, being there, smelling her, seeing and feeling things that reminded me so much of her, helped me not to lose my mind to grieve all together.

"So how long are you gonna make her wait?" Embry had phased back as well, and caught up with me on the beach. And damn, I was so close to the house too.

"Couldn't take the hint that I didn't feel like talking?"

"Yeah whatever. Now seriously, you saw that girl right? The one that was on your lap in a black bikini? And you just walk away? Are you insane man?" I turned to him with a scowl; he was shaking his head at me like the whole thing really did confuse him.

"What Bella's wearing, or _not_ wearing, does not change the situation that we are in." I began walking again, this time a little faster as to get away from him as quickly as I could in a human body.

"I suggest you go to Dr. C and just have him surgically remove your balls all together, because you obviously don't need them anymore." I stopped short in my step and whipped around to face him again. I was just about to beat the living shit out of him when I caught sight of Leah from the corner of my eye.

"Boys, boys, boys. You'll never grow up will you?" She asked, coming to stand next to us in the sand.

"Leah you should be resting right now, your patrols start in a few hours." I reprimanded her. I hated being the Alpha and having to sound like such a douche all the time.

"Yeah well, I needed to talk with you about something first," she looked over to Embry, tightening her eyes at him, and added, "privately."

Embry looked between the two of us for a few seconds, then threw up his hands, "Fine, have you're little private talk, it's not like I won't see it later or something... I swear, all these years of friendship, and then I just get passed right over for some girl, and some motorcycles, and then this, with another girl no less…" His voice trailed off as he ran down the beach and out of sight.

"So, what's up?" I asked as I looked back over to Leah, who at that moment looked very worried about something. I become instantly concerned, and walked over next to her, putting my hands around her shoulders. "Leah, tell me what's going on." I demanded in an Alpha tone, I didn't intend to use.

"Wow, chill. It's nothing _that_ serious, like life or death or anything Jacob." I took a second to calm down, and then when I visibly began to relax, she continued. "I just wanted to talk to you about all this Bella bullshit."

I rolled my eyes and turned to walk away from her, "not you too!" I shouted into the air.

"Hey, I'm not here to tell you to go running back to her, you know me better than that." Leah pulled at my shoulder to stop me, and force me to turn and face her, "Just hear me out."

"You have two minutes."

"Alright, so you know Liv has had it really rough the past few months. Especially with this crap with her phasing now - I mean, to find out after all these years that we share the same father, that our mother's, who are sister's _no less_, kept this secret for so long…" she shook her head, taking a moment to compose herself, and I took this as my opportunity to interrupt her.

"Why are you bringing Liv into this?"

"Because Jake, she is completely in love with you, and you know it – we all know it! She's very good at keeping that stuff to herself when she's phased, but it's obvious." She was shaking my shoulders, and was acting like a crazed maniac.

"I'm in love with Bella, that will never change. She knows that. And that, is what is completely obvious." I took a step back from her, and she let her arms drop to her sides. "Why are you freaking out like this?"

"Because she's my family, _my sister_, and I don't want you to hurt her." Leah was calmer now, and a single tear slid down her cheek. "You made me your second in command for a reason Jake, and that was because you need me to knock sense into you when you're being ignorant. Just ignorant to all the things that are going on around you because you're too trapped in your little Bella bubble to see them. You're a brother to me Jake, and I don't want to see you hurting anymore either."

"I don't know what you want me to say." I shrugged my shoulders, and looked out to the water. "I feel like hell that Liv will be hurt by my choices. But, I don't want to be with her. She's been able to see into my head since she first started phasing, and all that is ever in there is Bella." I slumped down into the sand, bringing my knees to my chest. A minute later Leah joined in next to me.

"I can't be sorry for the way I feel. That's how I've been able to finally understand the choices that Bella once made when she chose to be with Edward. You can't just change the way you feel because you don't want to hurt the other people involved… We know that better than anyone." I punched her lightly on her shoulder and smiled widely at her, trying to make light of the situation and conversation.

"If you're implying that _we_ would know that better than anyone because of imprinting, then _we_ both know imprinting is completely different then truly being in love with two people. Sam really _did_ have a choice… And _you_ certainly know that better than me, since I haven't had to deal with it yet. He could have fought it like you did, if he loved me enough, he could have fought it." We both looked away from each other, and nodded. She was right. I was able to fight off my imprint because of the love I had for Bella, but Sam never even tried to fight for Leah.

"Listen, I really didn't come here to fight with you. I know you love Bella, and you're just going to forgive her, and blah blah blah you'll have ten million puppies and live happily ever after, I get that. But… you really need to make sure you talk with Liv, and you really need to figure this crap out with you and Bella soon, because the more you act like an asshole around her, the more you're making Liv think she has a chance." She wagged her finger in my face, and then poked me in the chest with it.

"Yeah, I got it. I'll go and talk with Bella tonight, see where we stand, and then I'll talk with Liv." I raised my hands in front of her in a sign of submission, and that I fully understood that she wouldn't drop this until I made it all right.

"Alright, good. I'm outta here to get some sleep before patrol with Rosalie tonight; need to stay alert for all the non-danger that is around here nowadays." Leah snorted and stood, running down the beach towards her house.

I was going to talk to Bella tonight. I was going to tell her that we could start over, start fresh and new, that I was and will always be in love with her, and hope to hear the same words from back from her. Tonight, I will hold Bella Swan in my arms, we will confess our undying love for one-another and I will kiss her... And everything will finally be right in my world again.

**_To be continued..._**

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**A/N: So this was a short little delve into the mind of our beloved Jacob Black. I hope this clears up a lot. I know some of you have been questioning Jake's motives in pushing Bella away - he's obviously afraid she'll hurt him again, and he also doesn't want to look weak, just forgiving her so easily. This chapter is super important, and I hope you all caught why - it has to do with imprinting. Go back and re-read the last chunk if you missed it. I wasn't planning on revealing that Jacob had imprinted already for awhile, and I'll probably not touch on it again for awhile, BUT I just HAD to throw that evil little bit of plot twist in there now to keep you guys on your toes! Mwahaha ;) Thanks in advance, as always, for all the reviews and feedback! XoXo - Vanessa**


	10. Chapter Nine

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**

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**_

**Chapter Eight**

"_**Honesty  
Is what you need  
It sets you free  
Like someone to save you  
Let it go  
But hurry now  
There's undertow  
And I don't want to lose you now"**_*****

**

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**

Honesty is a bitch; it is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Everyone will always say that they want the truth, but that is only because the truth seems cuddly on the outside, but waiting inside of it is a ferocious animal that will eat your heart for lunch. _Aggressive mimicry_. Morose? Maybe. However, it is reality. The truth will not set you free; it will crush your soul.

And I don't want it anymore. Sometimes, I would just be much more content living in some sort of fantasy world where everyone just says and does what I want them to do and say – but I guess everyone might want that at some point – be the spoiled brat that get's their way all the time. I just wish that Jacob could have told me we could start over, that the past was the past, and that he loved me.

Nevertheless, he didn't. He said that maybe we could be friends if I stuck around, and then left me alone on the beach. He even winked at me. Seriously, way to send mixed signals, just making our entire situation that much more confusing. _I wish he had lied to me and told me what I wanted to hear._ The thought was consuming me.

I guess, in a way, I should be grateful that Jacob was straightforward with me. At least this way, knowing that we can only now have a future as friends, which according to him is only a possibility at that, I can try to move on. Try to figure out some way to get over him, even if it takes the rest of my lifetime.

* * *

"You know Belly-button, this moping around the kitchen stuffing your face with leftovers thing, is totally cliché, and I am completely secondhand embarrassed for you." Cass mocked as she walked up next to me by the refrigerator. I had been standing in front of it pretty much since we got back from the beach, and had no intention of leaving my post in self-loathing central.

"I hate when you call me that." I grumbled out through a mouthful of cold mashed potatoes.

"Shut up, you love my nicknames for you. Now, come on," she took my hand and started leading me towards the stairs, kicking the fridge closed with her foot, "let's get you changed into something that is not such a horrendous poly/cotton blend covered in stains, because you and I are going out tonight, and we're gonna get drunk - drown those sorrows baby!"

"And numbing my feelings and emotions with alcohol is not cliché?" I scoffed. She stopped and looked very pensive for a moment, tapping the tip of her index finger to her lips, her eyes to the sky as if she was trying to search in her mind for another of her smart-ass responses.

Cass finally just shrugged, smiling at me widely, "At least it's more fun to throw-up later because of a night of drinking too much, then because you were eating too much."

"You're the poster child for alcoholism, I hope you know that." I said, rolling my eyes at her, not able to stop a small smile from creeping across my lips. She laughed, and just continued to lead me up the stairs anyway.

* * *

We arrived at what Cass and I would describe as a "drive bar" back in Florida, which was technically the only bar in Forks, later that evening. Cass was in a slinky and very tight, and of course very short, black dress, and I was in a powder blue strapless sundress, that cut off just above my knees. As we walked in, the sound of off key singing filled the air – they were having a karaoke night. This, was not going to end well. Cass clapped her hands in excitement, a little extra bounce in her step, as she realized she would get to make a fool of herself later on singing some terrible pop song - we actually went to a lot of karaoke bars in college.

I quickly spotted a small table for two in a secluded back corner, dimly lit by an old yellowed hanging light fixture - it resembled a small chandelier, and I guess they were trying their hand at being "classy". Cass had gone up to the bartender to grab us some beers and I motioned towards the table to let her know which way I was heading. I sat down, my eyes to the floor, trying my best to become invisible. Cass was back quickly with two beers in one hand and two small shot glasses filled with a tan liquid balanced in her right hand.

"So not doing shots," I practically whined out.

"Why yes, yes you are." She disagreed, placing one of the shots and my beer in front of me. "Come on, pick it up – I've got a toast for us." I begrudgingly picked up the shot, bringing it slowly to my nose and taking a whiff – my stomach turning at the strong smell of straight whiskey. I raised the glass towards her, and our two glasses made a tiny _*clink*_ as they came together.

"_Here's to you__, and_ _here's to me_, _together as_ _friends we_'_ll always__ be. And if we ever disagree, then fuck you, and_ _here's just to me_!" She let out a _"woot" _and a giggle before tipping her head back and downing the shot, followed by her entire beer. I took my shot a little more slowly, gagging at the taste, and chased it with the beer as well.

* * *

About two hours, and six shots, later, I was certainly feeling a lot more relaxed then I had when we arrived. Cass was on stage singing a horrendous version of some Britney Spears song, dancing around the stage like a stripper. The room started getting a little blurry, and Cass began her next song, this time a slower romantic ballad – "Can you feel the love tonight" by Elton John – I couldn't help but stifle a laugh at her song choice, it was just a tad on the corny side. I laid my head down on the table.

"Care to dance with me?" A deep, and very recognizable voice, came from above me. I had my head buried in my arms on the table, willing the room to stop spinning, but I knew that voice – I did not need to see Jake's face to always know when he was right next to me. I slowly looked up, meeting his dark brown, almost black, smoldering eyes a few moments later.

I took just a minute to look him up and down, soaking in just how incredible he looked. He had on a tight black button-down shirt that had a slight sheen to it, with a grey and black striped tie loosely hanging around his neck. The shirt hugged every one of his muscles as if it was painted onto his body. I looked back up quickly, and he had on the widest smile I'd seen since I returned. I cleared my throat, it suddenly dry, my body hot. I stood up, too hastily for the fact that my head was still spinning from drinking too much, and I lost my balance, falling forward.

Jacob's expression turned quickly to one of fear as I stumbled towards him, but he was able to catch me quickly, his warm embrace enveloping my entire body. "Um, sorry." I was able to squeak out, pushing against his chest with the palms of my hand – it was too much to be that close to him, when I could not have all of him. I regained my balance and was able to stand on my own, taking a large step back, my legs touching the table I had just been sitting at.

"It's fine Bells, I'm use to your inability to stand up on your own by now," he joked, but then a serious, and maybe even concerned, look danced across his brow, "Why are you drinking like this anyway? Isn't this a little much if you can't even walk straight?"

"Drinking like what? Cass and I have just had a few drinks, we're just having a good time! What is it any of your business why I'm drinking, _OR HOW MUCH I'M DRINKING!" _I screamed out, for some reason all of a sudden furious that Jacob felt he could concern himself with my life – he had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to be involved with me.

My tone had taken him aback, and he stood their speechless for more then a few moments. I took that time to look around the room, realizing that Cass was no longer singing, noticing also that everyone in the bar, including Seth, Quil and Embry, were all staring at me – I must have yelled a hell of a lot louder then I thought.

"Bella, what was that all about?" Jacob asked, leaning in towards me so he can whisper, obviously wanting to have some sort of privacy between us.

"Nothing I just… It's just none of your business what I do, not anymore." I sighed out, slumping back down into the chair I had just occupied. The roar of the bar picked back up again shortly after, everyone no longer interested in our drama if we weren't going to be yelling and making a scene anymore.

"I'm just worried about you," he said, taking the seat across from me, taking my hand in his. I looked up at him, confusion written all over my face, and what looked like honest concern and love on his - _Why was he acting like this? Why was he behaving as if I meant something to him?_

"You're confusing me," I blurted out. I didn't know what else to say. Every time I've seen Jake since I've gotten back he's done nothing but confuse me. One second he's about to kiss me, the next he's walking away from me.

"I'm sorry." He stated simply.

"I think I'd rather you be around to confuse me, then not around at all." I barely whispered.

We both gave a pathetic attempt at a smile towards one another, and I had to look away when I began to feel tears sting behind my eyes. I saw him lean towards me from the corner of my eye, scooting his chair only inches from me now. He took his right hand to my left cheek, cupping it and forcing me to look back at him.

"I'd rather be around you then not all too." He leaned in even closer, the warmth of his breath breezing across my lips as he spoke the words. I pursed my lips and closed my eyes, throwing out all my fears that this was just another cruel joke, not allowing myself to think he would once again stop and pull away before kissing me this time…

"Isabella Swan! Get you tight ass up here and sing us a song young lady!" Cass yelled out through the microphone just as my bottom lip barely touched Jake's.

_You have got to be kidding me!_

I opened my eyes, slowly and deliberately opening only one at a time, and glared at her the moment they met hers. "You can sing?" Jake asked with skepticism laced in his voice.

"Um, yeah, Cass thinks I'm like the second coming of, I don't know, name a great female singer – but, I hate being the center of attention, you know that. She usually can only get me to sing when I'm drunk." I laughed, but it was spurious, and my palms began to sweat. The effects of the alcohol I had consumed were already beginning to wear off, and I did not have the confidence to get up there and sing in front of all these people, especially not in front of Jake – I did not need to make a fool of myself anymore then I already have lately.

"I would really love to hear you." He stood up, still holding my hand, and helped me to stand next to him. "I can be up there with you, if that would help make you less nervous?"

Something in the way he was looking at me, the way he was holding onto me, the way he spoke to me, that gave me a sudden rush of courage. We walked slowly to the stage, all eyes in the room following every move. Just as I walked up the two beaten-up wooden steps to the stage, Cass passed next to me, squeezing my shoulder in comfort for only a second before sitting down in the front next to Seth – Quil and Embry were sitting two tables behind them.

Jacob set up two stools next to each other, the one intended for me in front of the microphone, and he sat down in the other, hands folded on his lap. I took in a deep breath and walked over to what I guess one would call the DJ for all intensive purposes – he was the person that set up the music for the song I chose off the list he handed me. I scrolled through the pages quickly, trying to figure out which one to pick. Should it be something upbeat, something depressing, something romantic… something that would tell Jake how I felt without me really having to say the words aloud. I knew the perfect song for the moment. I pointed it out to the red haired man, and he smiled and nodded to me.

Taking in a deep breath, I sat down on metal stool in front of the microphone, the melody of the song I had chosen to sing slowly get louder and louder through the speakers surrounding the stage. I looked over at Jacob, a large grin spread across his face and an encouraging look in his eyes - I tensed, my throat dry – I coughed lightly three times to try to clear it. A bright white spotlight suddenly shown directly on my face – I could feel beads of sweat on the nape of my neck.

"I'm here for you Bella," he whispered, taking my hand in his and squeezing it tightly. I took in another deep breath, the tension slowly easing out of my shoulders – I relaxed. And at the right moment, the words just flowed perfectly out, because they were meant to only be heard by the man sitting next to me, by the man holding me hand, only to be heard by the man I loved – everyone else in the room disappeared. I needed him to understand. I needed Jacob to change him mind…

"_I miss those brown eyes;  
I miss the way we sleep._

_Like there's no sunrise.  
I miss the way we breathe._

_But I never told you,  
What I should have said.  
No, I never told you,  
I just held it in_

_And now,  
I miss everything about you.  
Can't believe that I still want you,  
After all the things we've been through.  
I miss everything about you,  
Without you._

_I see your brown eyes,  
Every time I close mine.  
You make it hard to see,  
Where I belong to,  
When I'm not around you.  
It's like I'm alone with me._

_But I never told you,  
What I should have said.  
No, I never told you,  
I just held it in._

_And now,  
I miss everything about you.  
Can't believe that I still want you,  
And after all the things we've been through.  
I miss everything about you,  
Without you._

_But I never told you,  
What I should have said.  
No, I never told you.  
I just held it in._

_And now,  
I miss everything about you._

_I miss everything about you,  
Without you." * *_

The music concluded, and as Jake and I stared between one another, the world felt as if it was shifting around us. I leaned in, my cheek against his, my lips brushing the bottom of his ear as I whispered the words "_... I never told you, what I should have said." _I paused, leaning back so that I could look him in the eyes, "I should have told you that I loved you Jacob Black." He looked completely stunned for a moment, and then smiled, taking his hand to pull my face towards his.

"I love you too Bella Swan. I always have and I always will." And that is when he finally crashed his warm, soft, and beautiful lips to mine.

_**To be continued...  
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**_**A/N: ****I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Yay, they finally kissed! :)**

**More to come soon, I promise! XoXo - Vanessa**

**_*_ "Someone to Save You" By OneRepublic**

*** * "I Never Told You" by Colbie Caillat**


	11. Chapter Ten

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**

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**_

**Chapter Ten**

The feeling of Jacob's lips to mine is one that I would absolutely not be able to describe in words. It was – perfection, joy, passion… _love._ Kissing him, being so close to him like this, was everything. It was home. I was safe, and I was happy. Jacob had his large hand tangled in my hair, tugging on it lightly, making my body arch towards him, and off the stool I was sitting on. I stood up at the same time he did, and pressed my chest into his as he wrapped his other strong arm around my lower back, neither of us wanting even an inch of space separating us.

"Get a room!" Seth yelled out, and a chuckle coming from Jacob broke the kiss, much sooner then I wanted. Even though I then realized that the two of us had just very much been in front of a few dozen people making out, on a stage, with a spotlight shown on us, I still didn't want the kiss the to end – I edged up on my tippy toes to kiss him again. I never wanted to stop kissing Jacob.

However, with all the hoots and hollers that followed our second embrace, along with Quil making a very loud gagging noise, I did eventually feel the embarrassment of the situation take over me, and bright red warmth crept up my chest and across my cheeks, and a tried to hide my face in Jacob's shirt.

"I love it when you blush like that. It's been too long since I've gotten to see it." Jake whispered to me. I dared to look up at him, and he wore an award winning, albeit almost cocky, smile plastered across his face. I narrowed my eyes at him, but could not help the smile I wore as well, a smile I didn't think would ever go away now – not that I wanted it to.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I humored him with a wink, and with the smallest ounce of bravado I had, I swung around to face our audience and gave a quick little bow, blowing the Pack boys a little kiss of their own. Then, with much haste, and surprising coordination, I ran from the stage towards Cass. "Bathroom! Now!" I demanded of her, not giving her any choice, and dragged her after me.

"I didn't know you had that it in you girl! That was one hot ass kiss!" She exclaimed the second the door closed behind us. I blushed again, I couldn't help it.

"I can't believe that just happened." I shook my head – I wasn't questioning that I had just kissed Jacob in front of people. I was just amazed we had just kissed in the first place. After the last conversation he and I had had, I didn't think that was something that would ever happen… not that I'm complaining. I'm beyond glad that it did happen. I was just still stunned over it.

I went to the sink and turned on the cold water, cupping it into my hands, and splashing it on my overheated face. I looked up at my reflection in the cracked mirror – I was still flushed bright red. Cass came into view next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Was it everything you expected it to be?" She asked with a smile and a swoon.

"It was more then I ever could have dreamed it to be." My whole body tingled as I closed my eyes and relived the kiss that had just occurred minutes ago.

"So, maybe you should go get back to your guy, and experience that all night instead of hanging out in this nasty bathroom with me. Why don't you two go somewhere quiet and a little more private?"

"I'm not going to just leave you here alone."

"Um, hello, I'm not alone. I have three toasty hot wolves out there to keep me company." I rolled my eyes at her, but felt confident in leaving her with them – at least I knew she would be safe, though I couldn't really say the same for the boys. Cass was certainly known for her heartbreaking skills.

"Okay, well try and stay out of trouble at least."

"Yeah right, like that's gonna happen." We both laughed, and after a quick hug, we made our way back towards Jacob and the rest of the guys.

* * *

"We always, somehow, wind up right back in this exact spot don't we?" I asked Jacob as we approached "our" spot at the large driftwood piece on the beach. He took my hand in his and pulled me down on the sand with him. I scooted back in between his legs, with my back against his hard chest, and my head cradled in the crook of his neck. He placed a long and soft kiss in my hair, and let out a sigh of content.

"This is nice," he said in a low and husky voice – it was beyond sexy.

"Is it going to last?" I regretted the question the moment it left my lips. I didn't want to ruin this perfect moment. His body tensed just slightly, but then calmed just as quickly.

"We can only hope it does… But we can't be naïve enough to think this will be easy. There's a lot of history, a lot of hurt that we both have to confront and deal with." Jacob sounded so mature, and in that moment, I realized he was no longer that sixteen-year-old boy that I had left behind. I turned to face him with my back now to the crashing waves; I wanted to look into his eyes.

"But, we can do that together," was my simple and hopeful response. He wrapped both of his arms around me and a tight squeeze and kiss to my forehead was my reassurance that he agreed with me on at least that.

"So, we haven't really been able to catch up." He stated; I would assume trying to change the subject to something a little lighter.

"We've been far too busy fighting or being all angsty every time we've tried to talk, that's why." I replied with a slight laugh.

"This is true… so, tell me about college – tell me about everything that has happened the past few years." He seemed genuinely interested, and even gave me a bit of a begging puppy dog look.

"I'm sure your last four years have been a lot more interesting then mine." I didn't really want to talk about myself right now – I wanted to know what his life has been like since I was gone, even if it hurt to hear, I needed to know everything.

"Hmm, let's see: Patrols, slept, ate. Patrols, slept, ate. Break up a bunch of stupid fights between two hot headed wolves. Patrols, slept, ate. Patrols, slept, ate. Took over Alpha duties Patrols, slept, ate … and then you came back. Yup, that about sums it all up."

"Well fine, if you want to play this game, then just replace patrols and pack duties with class and homework and you pretty much have my last four years as well."

"Oh, I highly doubt that's all you've been up to with a friend like Cass around. I know you've had to have gotten into some sort of trouble, had some fun." I thought for a moment, and even contemplated telling him about the time Cass and I went skydiving – but, decided it was probably not the right time to let him know that I was still into death defying adventures – hey, a girl has to get a rush somewhere. Plus, we honestly needed to have a serious conversation about what's happened since I left.

"Jake, come one. I really want to know what's been going on. I want to be here for you to talk to now, like I should have been this entire time." He looked past me and out to the water, biting on his bottom lip.

"It's been hard Bells. I was miserable when you left, I was confused." He shook he head, and I ran my fingers through his cropped black hair, brushing his cheek with my thumb. Saying I was sorry wouldn't have made a difference in this moment. His eyes glazed slightly with tears, but he sucked in a deep breath, willing himself not to let the tears escape. "I beat myself up over what I could have done to save Edward. I thought you ran off without talking to me first because you blamed me for his death."

"I never, ever blamed you. I don't blame you!" I stated almost frantically.

"I'm glad you don't, even if sometimes I still do." He paused shaking his head again. I pushed myself closer into his side, and he wrapped an arm around my lower back. I leaned my head on his shoulder, but still looked up so I could see his beautiful face – the hurt shown on it completely heartbreaking. "I just… I've played that night over and over again in my head a million times, and I still just don't understand."

"Understand what?" I prodded.

"I was only knocked out for what had to be barely a minute. How that vampire was able to…" He stopped short, unsure if he I would be alright with him talking about Edward being attacked.

"It's okay; I'm alright – go on." I reassured him.

"I don't understand how she was able to get Edward ripped apart and burnt to nothing but ash that quickly. It's completely dumbfounding. It just doesn't make sense."

"I thought you… didn't you see her… her decapitating him before you went unconscious? Maybe you were out longer then you thought?" I suggested with a shrug of my shoulders. My stomach turned, and the images in my head of what it must have looked like, Edward being killed, made me sick, and made my heart ache.

"I never actually saw her do it though. I lunged for her when she was just about to, and that's when she sent me flying. Everything went dark for a bit. And when I came to, she was standing there with just a pile of smoldering ash at her feet."

"You don't actually think he could still be alive do you?" I asked, not hoping, because that would not be something I could ever allow myself to hope for. I was no longer in love with Edward Cullen, but he was an amazingly great man, and I still cared and loved him for who he was. He still deserved to be in this world – it had a kind of emptiness to it because he was gone. The Cullen's still deserved to have their son and brother.

"No, I don't think that necessarily, but I think there is more to what happened up there then I can figure out. We thought that only five had come up to that clearing with Victoria, but maybe there was someone else – waiting, and hiding. I don't know."

"Has Alice been able to see anything? Shed some light on what else might have happened that night?" Jacob tensed then, his eyes going a bit wide – he looked scared to tell me something, and I feared the news that was coming next. "What's wrong?" I hesitantly asked.

"Alice can't… she can't see the Volturi at all anymore. After they showed up where the big fight had taken place, and confronted the Cullen's, we all decided that they definitely had something to do with what had taken place that night. Even if not directly, they had to have influenced Victoria and her army somehow. The Cullen's and the rest of the Pack figured it would be a good idea to keep tabs on them, plus, we were all constantly worried about them coming back, and coming after you since… since you never were turned." His last sentence came out laced in disgust, and I cringed at the thought of it myself.

The Volturi coming after me was something I always worried about, not a day would go by that that fear didn't almost cripple me. They made it extremely clear when I met them in Italy that the only way I was allowed to continue existing in this world would be by becoming a vampire. At the time, it was what I wanted with my whole heart. But now, the thought of it scared the hell out of me. They could decide at anytime to come after me, and make good on their threats. They had made sure the Cullen's knew that, and reminded them of the consequences of defying Volturi orders, of me not becoming a vampire, when they had met with them after the newborn fight.

"Does anyone know or have any theories as to why she can't see them?"

"Honestly, no. Carlisle thinks they may have acquired a vampire with the ability to keep the whole Volturi and the guard hidden, cloaked in darkness – maybe someone that can block out the abilities of other vampires." A shiver ran down my spine, and I was suddenly freezing cold. If that were true, then the Volturi has become that much more dangerous to me, to the Cullen's, and to the Pack. If Alice cannot see them coming, we can all be caught off guard by an attack at anytime – even right now for that matter. They could be waiting for just the right second, when we are all the most vulnerable, to come after me, to come after all of us. Another shiver of terror shook my entire body this time, and Jacob held on to me a little tighter.

"I'm not going to let them hurt you Bella. You don't have to be worried." The look in his eyes told me he was sincere, but they surely did not show confidence in what he was saying. Jake was just as scared as I was. "We've had Alice keep an eye on you while you were gone. If she ever thought you were in danger, we would have been there in a split second, but it's been quiet. Honestly, it has been eerily quiet for all four of the years you've been gone. Not even a stray vampire stumbling into our territory or anything."

"That's a good thing though." I said, looking at him with confused eyes. He seemed really off put by the fact that there were no bad vampires in the area, when this should be something everyone would be happy about.

"It just seems weird, that's all. Anyway, let's not talk about this right now. As far as we can tell, there are no immediate threats, so I don't want you worrying and dwelling on it." I nodded in agreement. "Oh, by the way, speaking of Alice, she would really like to see you. I told her I would mention it to you, but I asked her not to push you into it. I wasn't sure if you were ready to see the Cullen's yet."

"Well, I can't avoid them forever, and honestly I do miss them. Maybe I'll go over there in the morning." I shrugged, unsure of that decision.

"I could go with you if you'd like." Jacob suggested.

"You are all pretty chummy now huh, the Pack and the Cullen's?"

"We've formed a very strong alliance. We'll be ready to work together if anything ever comes."

"That's certainly not a bad thing I guess… and thank you for the offer, but I think I'll go by myself to see them. Will you be able to make sure someone in the Pack keeps on eye on Cass while I'm gone?" Even though Jacob was confident there were no impending threats, I knew better then anyone that things can drastically, and very quickly, change, and I didn't want her left unprotected.

"I really, really don't think that would be a problem. Seth is pretty much head over heals for that girl. If I ask him to stand outside your house for three days straight he'd do it." He said with chuckle.

"Then he's in some serious trouble – she does not do relationships or commitment, or monogamy. Plus, I don't really like the idea of her getting into anything serious with someone…" I trailed off, practically biting my tongue to make sure the rest of that sentence did not escape. Jacob looked at me with confusion.

"Someone like who?" he asked, but the slightly hurt tone in his voice told me he already knew what I meant. I hesitated.

"I wouldn't want her getting involved with someone in the Pack, someone who can imprint and wind up breaking her heart when they chose to be with their true love." I blurted out. Stupid big mouth. Why couldn't I have just let that stay inside?

I knew my words were like a slap to his face, and I knew by the look he gave me that he instantly questioned if I thought I would be better off not being with someone in the Pack; if I would be better off not being with him.

"It's not that black and white anymore Bella." He stated simply and harshly – he was angry, and did what he does best - confuse me. Of course it was that easy. If Cass was with Seth and he imprinted on another girl, he would leave her for his imprint. Same with Jacob and me. I knew that he could leave me at anytime for his true other half.

"You know that is exactly what it's like Jacob. I've seen it happen first hand, and so have you." Leah would never be the same because of what happened between her and Sam and Emily.

"Come on Bella, it's getting late. I should get you home." He didn't even try to acknowledge what I said. It was obvious that tonight was not going to be a night of discussing imprinting. I just nodded and let him help me stand up. I wiped the sand from dress and the back of my bare legs. He took my hand to lead me back towards where the car was parked, but I pulled back slightly.

"Are we ever going to be able to just be together? Be happy? Without all of this," I waved my hands between the two of us, "all this tension. I know you said this won't be easy, but I wonder if there's something else. Have you truly been able to forgive me, because it doesn't seem like that right now."

"I've forgiven you, but…"

"But what Jacob? Just talk to me."

"But there's a lot more to it then that. A lot has changed that's all. And, it's just not the right time to have this discussion. Now, let's go. It's late." Jake was acting extremely unsettled, like there was something serious hanging over his head that he wanted to tell me, but was refusing to let himself, and he turned and started walking away. I knew pressuring him on the subject anymore would be worthless, and I just followed after him to the car.

* * *

We arrived at my house in his beat-up old rabbit, I was surprised it was even still running after all this time, a short while after we left the beach. I was relieved to see Cass's car in the driveway, but was surprised to see the living room lights on considering it was almost three in the morning.

The entire ride back to Forks was spent in silence – and a very uncomfortable silence at that. You honestly could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. Jacob was hiding something from me, and the more I thought about it, the less I was sure I wanted to know what it was, especially considering he didn't start getting all defensive and short with me until I brought up imprinting.

After sitting in the stopped car for a few minutes, I looked over to him, hoping he would be the one to speak first. He just stared forward out through the windshield, his hands gripping the steering wheal so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Will you walk me to the door?" I asked in a meek voice. His only response was a slight nod to his head, and he opened the diver's side door, stepping out into the late evening light. He slowly made his way to my side of the car and opened the door for me. I took in a deep breath, and stepped out as well.

We stood there looking at each other, but not really seeing each other, for what seemed like hours. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to try to take us back to that moment on stage – a perfect moment that now felt like it happened years ago – but Jacob spoke before I could.

"I'm really sorry this night took such a crappy turn."

"Yeah, me too. But, I think I understand. I hurt you too much when I left. I understand that maybe… that we can't have what we use to, that you can't be with me, or… or love me like you use to." I was running my big mouth again, and honestly, I'm not even sure if I meant what I said. I think I just said it all in hopes that he would tell me I was wrong, and that he did still love me that took him several moments to respond, and he looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers, acting like he was trying to figure out what to say next.

"It's not like that Bells, I swear. It's just going to take time. We aren't just going to all of a sudden have some happily ever after, no matter how much I want that, or you might want that."

"We have a lot to work through, and a lot to talk about, but we're not going to be able to do that if you continue to put up walls or change the subject when we do try to talk." He brought his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his back, rubbing my hands against the soft cotton of his shirt, feeling all of his muscles relax under my touch.

"I love you Bella. Like I said earlier, I always have and always will. We'll get through this together; we'll make this work, because I want a lifetime with you." I smiled against his chest at his choice of words. No longer did I need to have an eternity – a lifetime of love was more than enough.

_**To be continued…**_

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**A/N: Hello my lovelies! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
**

**As always, thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback. I'll be completely honest with you, if it wasn't for all your lovely reviews and words of encouragement, I don't know if I'd really be able to find the energy to keep writing this story all the time. But because you all love it so much, you make me love writing it just as much for you! So, big hugs to all! XoXo - Vanessa**


	12. Chapter Eleven JacobPOV

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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_"Give me your lips for just a moment,_

_And my imagination will make that live._

_Give me what you alone can give,_

_A kiss to build a dream on._

_Ah sweetheart, I ask no more than that,_

_A kiss to build a dream on." *  
_

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**Chapter Eleven - Jacob's POV**

"That's all I could wish for Jacob," Bella responded and I could literally feel my heart double in size. To know for sure, to hear the words, that Bella wanted to spend our lives together, was just more than I could imagine. We had a long road ahead of us, but now that she was back home, hopefully to stay, and we both were on path to wanting the same things from each other, I was confident we could make this work.

I told her that I had forgiven her for leaving, and I have, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared out of my mind that she's going to just take off again. She's broken me once, and letting this happen – letting us happen, just means she can break me that much more the second time, especially once she finds out the truth about Katie. I don't even know how I'm suppose to tell her that I've imprinted, it seems like it happen a hundred years ago. But this is not something I can keep from her just because I fear her reaction. The longer I wait, the worst it will be. And the longer I wait, the worse the pull is becoming. I need to have some sort of serious commitment with Bella to focus off - to have something to keep fighting for.

"Jacob, are you okay? You look like you're a million miles away." I looked down at Bella, still cradled to my chest. I cleared my throat, not sure what I should, and shouldn't say, to her now.

"Sorry sweetheart, I'm perfectly fine – Just really happy that you're home." She smiled so beautifully, and I tried my best to mask my fears with a slight smile of my own. I leaned down, pulling her up at the same time to meet my lips. She pressed her body into mine, and the graze of her tongue against my bottom lip sent a wave of unadulterated pleasure through me.

I tangled my fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck, tugging her gently closer to me, and pushed her back, pinning her between the car door and myself. She jumped just a little, hitching her left leg over my right thigh. I reached down to her other leg, still bare from the short and deathly sexy dress she wore. As we continued to kiss, I ran my hand from her knee up her thigh, pressing the tips of my fingers in her firm skin. I continued running my hand up, behind her to her panty line, and with a unyielding grasp on her ass, I pulled her other leg up so both were now wrapped around me. I leaned into her and she moaned into my mouth, tightening her legs, she sucked in my bottom lip through her teeth and bit on it lightly.

"You are not playing fair," I teased. We were out in the front of her house, her father and friend right inside the house where they could have a perfect view of us, so this sort of foreplay was not going to get us anywhere in the moment. My words though, only made her kiss me deeper.

"Are you honestly complaining right now?" Bella whispered between kisses along my jaw line.

"You will never hear complaints out of me, when you're behaving, like this." I brought my mouth down to kiss her neck, across her collar bone, and down to the tops of her breasts. She leaned her head back, and another soft moan escaping from her lips, just made me want to have all of her that much more.

I brought the hand I still had on the back of her legs up and under her dress, slowly grazing the silkily soft skin of her stomach, and then caressing one of her breasts – which to my surprise was not covered by anything else. I figured at this point she was going to stop me, I very well knew that we should, but instead her breath quickened at my touch, and I found myself practically panting as well.

A few more moments of exploring each other with our mouths and hands had passed, when all of a sudden Bella started moving away from me. I opened my eyes to find that she was feeling around, her eyes still closed, for the handle to open the back door to the car.

"What are you doing Bella?" I asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing Jacob?" She responded, in a not very innocent voice.

"We can't," I struggled to get out, because saying no to her in this situation was pure torture. However, no matter how much I wanted it, no matter how much I wanted to take Bella at the moment, there was no way I would allow the first time we made love to happen in the back seat of my car. I tried to show her a look of reassurance, that I wanted this to happen but the timing just wasn't right, but she still looked hurt anyway, as if I didn't want her. Before I could explain tho, we were interrupted.

"Seriously dude, get a freaking room you two, for Godsake. No one wants to see your homemade porn video." Seth laughed out, and without looking behind me, I could hear Cass was with him, chuckling as well. I lowered Bella gently to the ground; her cheeks flushed bright red and lips swollen. We both took in a deep breath, and slowly turned towards the firing squad.

"Please, you're just jealous you're not getting any right now," Bella, surprisingly said with confidence and a snarky smile. Seth's jaw dropped, and Cass rolled her eyes, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"Please girlfriend, after the night this boy just had, I don't think he's jealous of the PG-13 show you all were putting on out here," Cass rebutted, and I had never seen Seth blush, but right now he was a neon red stop sign. I immediately became fearful for the thoughts I would be subjected to seeing next time we were phased together.

"I think that's my queue to get out of here, let you girls get some sleep." I said. "Seth, you want a ride home, or are you running back?"

"Nah, I'll take a ride thanks, I'm beat." He turned to Cass to say goodnight, and I turned back to Bella to do the same.

"Are you sure you have to go?" She asked, a bit of sultriness still left in her tone. I wanted to make sure she knew why I was stopping her before, and not leave her thinking I was rejecting her in anyway.

"Yeah, unfortunately I do. Though, that is the last thing I want to do. I have you Bella, I will never want to be anywhere but where you are now… but, I have to pick up patrols in a few hours, so I should go get some sleep. Plus, I don't think Charlie would appreciate finding me in bed with you." I gave her a sly smile and wink, and then pulled her back into my arms for a goodnight kiss.

"Alrighty you two, Bella let's get in the house before your father finds us out here," Cass interrupted.

I looked to Bella, not wanting to leave, and caressed her soft, still slightly flushed, cheek with the back of my hand. She parted her lips just slightly, and invitation that I hoped was for another quick kiss, which I of course graciously accepted.

* * *

"You need to tell her man, and soon." Seth began lecturing me the minute we got into the car. I let out a long and frustrated sigh. Like this wasn't something I didn't already know.

"Dude, I know. I just don't know when, or how to tell her. We just started out, and we've already been through so much. Why can't I just be selfish and let the two of us be happy for a little while?"

"You can be as selfish as you want Jake, but it's not going to last very long when she finds out you didn't tell her. She's either going to find out on her own, or someone is going to blab to her, and we all know that someone is probably going to be my sister. Now that Bella's back in town, it's like Leah's main point of interest to somehow bring her down or something." We both shook our heads – we loved Leah, but she really was a serious bitch.

"How do I tell Bella that before she even left town I imprinted on some random girl I ran into at the supermarket? That I even considered just letting the imprint happen, after she had left, even if I changed my mind? How do I reassure her she'll have nothing to worry about though, because I choose her? Bella is not stupid, she understands how imprinting works; she's never going to believe that I fought off the imprint, that I am still fighting it off everyday because I love her more." I veered the car off quickly to the side of the road, screeching the tires against the asphalt from stopping it so shortly. I felt the wolf inside me begging to come out.

"Jake just calm down, all you need to do is talk to her. Explain to her; show her that you really have chosen her. She'll believe you. She has to. Because… because I am hoping with all my heart that fighting off an imprint is something we can successfully do. I need you and Bella to be together because that means that I know I can love whoever I want without fear." Seth sounded almost as frantic as I did, and I realized then just how big of a deal it was to some of the Pack to have the freedom of not worrying about imprinting. Some of them may have seen it as a blessing, but most of us just saw it for the curse that it was.

"I'll tell her Seth, I promise. And trust me, if I can do this, you can too. The Pack doesn't need to worry about being bound to someone because of mythical old-school wolf crap. We can fight this, look at me for proof of that okay? I will prove to all of you that you can fight off an imprint, and choose to love only who you want to love." I tried to keep my voice as reassuring as I could, but deep down I wasn't sure if I even believed myself.

No matter how much I loved Bella, how much I wanted everything to work out between us, I still had a nagging feeling of longing for another girl I did not want to give a shit about. I needed to find a way to break the ridiculous spell imprinting had on me, no matter how faint it was now. I'm going to have to tell Bella the truth of what's going on, and hope like hell she believes that I am trying everything I can to fight this, and spend my life only with her – to love only her.

More than anything, I needed to figure out the right way to tell her, that isn't going to cause her to run away from me again. I don't know how much longer I can fight off the imprint if Bella leaves again.

_**To be continued...**_

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**A/N: Yeah, Jacob POV! Hope you all enjoyed! I know it's not too long of a chapter, but I like to keep the JPOV's a little short so not too much is given away. :) Sooo, any theories on what you think will happen next?  
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**Thank you as always for all the wonderful reviews - I hope to hear from you on this chapter as well. Until the next chapter! XoXo - Vanessa**

***"A Kiss to Build a Dream on" - Lewis Armstrong  
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	13. Chapter Twelve AlicePOV

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**(Mini) Chapter Twelve – Alice POV**

"Bella has decided to come for a visit this morning!" I yelled out for my family, who were scattered amongst the house, to hear. A whisper would have done the trick just the same, but I was much too excited to keep my voice low.

"You have been able to see her today?" Jasper asked me in his southern tone. He came to my side and wrapped an arm around my waist, giving me a squeeze. The other members of my family quickly filled the room at vampire swift speed.

"Just a quick glance. There was about a five-minute gap when Quil left his Patrol outside of her house earlier this morning, and Seth getting there to take over. And that's when I saw her speaking with her friend Cass about coming here!" I squealed out the last part again, I couldn't help it. I just could not contain my excitement, or the bounce I now had in my step, and the clap between my hands. Jasper took the opportunity to whisper in my ear how adorable I looked when I was this happy about something.

It has been ages since I've seen Bella in person, and I've so missed my friend. I've kept an eye on her while she was away at school, for her safety – to be able to protect her from afar - but I never went to visit, and she's been blocked out of my visions pretty much since she's been back, because of the Pack. I wanted to go to visit her in Florida, I argued that it did eventually get dark at night, so it was not as if I was going to "out" my vampire family by going there. However, everyone, including Jacob and the rest of the Pack, just convinced me I had to wait for her to come back to us, that she would eventually… and now she was!

"I don't like this one bit. This is not a good idea." Rosalie said in what can only be described as her usual bitchy tone. She stood next to the white leather armchair in the living room, across from me, her arms tightly closed over her chest, eyes sharp, all while tapping a high-heeled foot on the wooden floor. Emmett, who was sitting in the chair, just rolled his eyes at her.

"This is wonderful news Rose, it will all be perfectly fine," Esme chimed in. She had a smile on her face that gave away how completely ecstatic she was that Bella was coming over as well; to her, it was her daughter finally coming home to the family – even if it was just for a short visit, and even if Bella no longer considered us her family.

"No, I don't care what any of you say, this is not going to end well. You might all be elated that the human is coming over for breakfast, but if she and Jacob really are together now, she'll never agree to this Alice." Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at Rose – always such a buzz kill.

"Babe come on, just chill for like five minutes. We don't know what's going to happen until we talk to her about it." Emmett stood and walked to stand in between Esme and Carlisle, his arms crossed now, glaring back at his wife. He may have been madly in love with Rose, but he wanted our plan to work out just as much as I did, and he was not about to let her rain on our parade.

"Are we going to tell her today? This is a lot to put on her shoulders her first visit back with us." Carlisle asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm not sure when the right time will be. I am not sure of anything anymore – not since my visions have failed me now for so many years. It didn't seem real. It was as if someone was showing me some forged potential reality, or just letting me see what they wanted me to see, leaving out the rest. All I know, is time is not something we have very much of left if it was true - maybe a month at the most." I replied, worry, and fear of what was to come, lacing each of my words.

I hated not knowing what was coming. I hated that my gift was no longer something I could rely on – not since the Volturi found a way to keep me locked out.

"This is not fair to ask of her. Who are we to ask Bella to sacrifice so much? Especially, when it is no longer something she desires?" Rose had now lost the scowl, and just sounded defeated – the rest of her family teamed against her in this situation.

"My dearest Daughter, we can do no more than just ask. Once we've approached her with it, the decision will be hers, we will not pressure her." Carlisle replied, walking over to Rose and placing a gentle and reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"She loved us as a family of her own once before, she loved your brother with her whole heart, once she knows the truth; she will do this for us." Esme, no longer with a happy smile on her face, was visibly shaken. She quickly turned and headed to the kitchen, needing to hide the obvious fear she now wore as well. Just as the rest of us, she was not entirely convinced Bella would understand, or agree to this.

I needed Bella to be on board for this plan; we all needed her to be. Because if the vision I had turned out to be a real glimpse into the future, we were all in danger - My family, the Pack, Bella… _my brother._

_**To be continued…**_

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**A/N: So, I did preface this as a "mini" chapter because, well, it's so short – however, it holds a lot of foreshadowing for what's to come, and it was great to get into Alice's head for a short moment.**

**I would LOVE to hear some theories about what you think this situation/plan is that the Cullen's need Bella to agree to. If you are right, I'll… probably not tell you lol, but it will be fun to see what you all think is going to happen! **

**Now I want you all to also keep in mind that this is not a way to begin wrapping up the story. There is still so much to go, so don't get worried! **

**Thanks as always for all the reviews, and kind words! Hope to hear from you again! XoXo -Vanessa**


	14. Chapter Thirteen

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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**Chapter Thirteen: Bella POV**

I took the drive up to the Cullen home as slowly as I could. Considering I was driving Cass' quick little sports car, it was somewhat difficult, but I managed to buy myself almost an hour of alone time. I was nervous about seeing them, and I needed time to figure out my apologies, and how I felt about seeing them again.

Earlier this morning, as promised by Jacob, Seth came and picked up Cass (after my father had left for a leisurely day of fishing), to keep her entertained, _and safe_, while I was away. By the look on Seth's face though, it didn't really seem as if he need to be pushed into spending the day with her.

Cass and I had only been able to speak briefly before practically passing out last night, but I was able to get her to confess that she was having some pretty strong feelings for him as well. A definite change from her normal approach on guys, and relationships. Deep down, I worried for her though. I was glad she didn't seem interested in Quil like I had thought, but I also didn't want to see her hurt if Seth imprinted on someone else.

Just as I would be worrying about Jacob imprinting on someone else for the rest of our lives.

Yesterday was a roller-coaster of emotions between the two of us. We were up and down, and up and down. But, Jacob and I ended on a good note, a really, really good note – kissing him was all I ever imagined it would be. He was right though. We had a long road ahead of us, and we would both have to work really hard to finally make this work. Now that I knew he had not imprinted on Liv, and he knew how much I regretted leaving him, we were on that road to a happily ever after together.

I turned left onto the winding dirt road that led to the Cullen's – my heart rate increasing. I had no clue what I was going to say to them. I missed them all terribly, but facing them, when after the last time I saw them was the day Edward died, was all very intimidating. All the same, Alice had asked for me, and so, pushing my insecurities and fears aside, I would go to see them. I owed them this much.

I know the Cullen's well enough to not worry that they somehow blamed me for Edward's death, but I still couldn't break away from the nagging feeling that they would now look at my differently – no longer would they see me as a sister or daughter, but as someone that abandoned them when they were in need. They were always there to help and protect me, but I wasn't able to give them that same respect.

Knowing nonetheless, that they would all just accept me back into their eternal lives with open arms, hurt me more than anything. I did not deserve that sort of kindness from them.

At this point however, I just needed to continue confronting my past, and keep trying to make amends. If Jacob, who I hurt most of all, was willing to forgive me, then there was a good possibility that I could accept forgiveness from the Cullen's as well, and maybe even feel like Forks was home again.

I pulled up to the large, out of place, home and immediately spotted Alice standing by the front door. She wore a million dollar smile, and had her hands tightly clenched with, what I would assume was, the anticipation of my arrival. My heart was jumping all over the place, and my brow and palms were clammy with nervous sweat. I parked the car, took in a deep breath, and I mentally coached myself – chanting in my head, _'you can do this; you can do this'_. I expected Alice to come and open the door, but she patiently waited for me to ready myself for this.

With a slow and unsteady hand, I grasped the handle, and even slower, I opened the door. With one foot out, the blood began rushing to my head, and everything around me became covered in a cloudy grey haze. I took in another deep breath, causing my lungs to ache. One more foot out of the car, and I stood, grasping the side of the car to steady my feet. I looked up to Alice, who now wore a look of concern and worry, and she took a step forward – causing my panic to increase even further. I was not afraid of Alice Cullen, I knew she would never hurt me, but in that moment, the sight of her scared the hell out of me.

"Bella, can I come closer, to help you into the house?" She asked in her tiny and melodic fairy-esque voice. It was a voice I never expected to hear again. I barely nodded my head, but I knew she would see it. Alice was at my side and wrapping an ice-cold hard arm around my waist before I could blink. The cold sent a shudder through my entire body – not because of the temperature, but because the feeling of it sent me back to a time so long ago. In that split-second I saw so many flashes of Edward. I saw him asking me to marry him. I saw him telling me how much he loved me. And then I morbidly imagined what it must have looked like when Victoria's vampire was ripping him to pieces, and burning him to nothing but ash.

I leaned away from Alice and bent down, throwing up that morning's breakfast next to the car, before everything just went black.

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"Is she dead?"

"Of course she's not dead you idiot, you can hear her heartbeat."

"Someone get me a cold wash cloth."

"What happened?"

"She just got very overwhelmed and fainted."

"Smells like she did more than faint."

"Humans can be very disgusting sometimes."

"I told you this was a bad idea. She shouldn't be here."

"Rose, just shut up."

"When will she wake up?"

"Soon, Bella just needs a moment to let her subconscious take everything in, and calm herself down."

I heard all the voices, but I still couldn't fully register where I was as I groggily began waking up. I blinked my eyes a few times, and I was gradually able to make out the silhouettes of several people surrounding me.

"She's waking up. Bella, it's Alice, are you okay? Can I get you something?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"She needs water, go get her some water!" I heard someone shout out. I think it might have been Rosalie.

"Where… what's… Where am I?" I asked, my mouth dry and thick.

"Bella you fainted outside. Here, try to sit up." Alice wrapped her arms around me again, this time I purposely did not allow my mind to wander from the feeling of it, and she pulled me up to a sitting position on the couch. Emmett was in front of with me with a large glass of water, and I appreciatively took it from him, gulping the entire thing down in only a few large sips. I handed the glass back to him, with a slight smile, and he headed back to the kitchen to refill it.

"I'm sorry about all that, I just… It was a lot to process I guess, seeing you again after all this time. I didn't mean to worry any of you."

"You don't have to apologize dear. It's completely understandable." Esme replied, appearing out of nowhere, and now sitting on the couch next to me. She pressed a cold wet washcloth to my head, and Emmett appeared a moment later with another full glass of water.

"You got old," he joked, punching my very lightly on the shoulder, causing the water to slosh in the glass, almost spilling over. I couldn't help but to smile back at him. He was still the same. But the smile faded as I took in all the Vampires in the room – they all looked exactly the same, all seemed exactly the same. Completely frozen, never to evolve into something more. Four years, as if they never passed.

I cringed involuntarily, disgusted with myself that I once craved being like that. Being gone these past years, I've been able to grow up, I've been able to become a better person, I've been able to experience and live. They would never be able to have what I now cherished, my humanity. It was now something that I could never imagine existing without. So silly that a few short years ago, I had wanted it so badly.

Quickly I realized I was staring out into nothingness, absolved in my thoughts, and knew I needed to compose myself as not to offend or upset the Cullen's with my views of their "lifestyle."

"Thank Emmett," I responded to his earlier teasing, and paused to clear my throat, "it's nice to see you too."

After the way I had just zoned out, I shouldn't have been surprised by the now increasingly awkward tension in the room. No one spoke or moved. I didn't even dare to breathe too heavily. I longed for Jacob to be here with me, and then I thought about how Edward would never have allowed this sort of situation to occur between his family and me.

"Can I get you something to eat Bella? We always have the fridge and cabinets stocked in-case someone from the Pack stops by." Esme asked in a motherly and affectionate tone.

"That would be great, thanks." A smile returned to her face, and she headed into the kitchen, Carlisle following closely behind her. "Sooooo," I dragged out the word, unsure where to go next. "How have you all been?" I obviously couldn't come up with anything better, and the room was instantly filled with an even thicker layer of tension.

I was about to try saying something else when Jasper suddenly appeared next to Alice's side. I realized then that he hadn't been here in the house this entire time. Instantly a wave of calm floated through the room, and I could see everyone else relax as well. Why couldn't Jasper have been here this entire time?

"Hello Bella," He greeted me in his deep Southern voice – of course he was just the same too. I knew that four years or four hundred years would not have suddenly aged or changed a Vampire, but it was still so shocking to see. _Four years, as if they never passed._

"Good morning Jasper," I replied, "where have you been?"

"I was to be on patrol this morning with Jacob, so I just needed to let him know I'd be running a little late so I could be here while you visit." He sat down on the love-seat nonchalantly, pulling Alice down next to him.

"Jacob is patrolling alone?" Sudden panic and worry lace my words, but Jasper didn't attempt to try to force me to calm down.

"Bella, there hasn't been any threat to the area for years, he's perfectly fine out there by himself." Emmett replied, a bit of frustration in his voice that was obviously because of his ache to get in a good fight.

"We haven't really even needed to do patrols with them, but it gives us something to do, and we like helping." Alice said, but she seemed to be hiding something. As if there was more she wanted to say.

"What my sister is really saying, is that since her visions are basically blocked out all the time, we do these patrols with the mutts because we don't know if something is, or isn't, going to happen." Rosalie rolled her eyes, and quickly made her way out of the room, and into the kitchen. She seemed really upset and angry.

"Is she all right?" I asked.

"Rose hasn't…been seeing eye to eye with some of the discussions and decisions the rest of us have been making as a family." Alice replied, as if it was no big deal.

"Like what sort of things?" I was hesitant to ask, not sure if I really wanted to know the answer. Jasper, Emmett, and Alice all looked between one another and then back to me – their faces expressionless and hard. I noticed Jasper nod to Alice once, and then she stood quickly and took a seat next to me. She took my hands in hers, causing me to flinch involuntarily. For a brief second Alice looked hurt that I backed away from her, but within a blink, she was back to an unreadable face.

"We need a favor from you Bella." She began, and fear crept up from the pit of my stomach to the back of my throat. I'm pretty sure that whatever favor a Vampire would ask of a human, would not be something I wanted to know. "It's a sacrifice we do not want to ask of you, and we will not be angry with you if you tell us no."

"Please Alice, just ask me already and get to the point." I know it was rude to interrupt her, but dragging out what she wanted to ask was just making me so much more nervous.

"I've had a vision, well two visions really." She paused and took in an unnecessary breath, "One vision showed me the consequences if you didn't agree, and the other showed me a more… positive outcome if you were to go along with this." She tripped over the last few words - the "positive" obviously just as bad.

"Alice you're seriously killing me here with all this suspense." I huffed out.

"Well, that's sort of the thing I'm trying to get at." She paused again, and I couldn't help the curious look y face convey. I was increasingly confused, and she was not talking in riddles. Alice took my hands in hers, and with a deep, and very serious look into my eyes, she said the words that would forever change everything. "What are you feelings these days on still becoming a Vampire?"

_**To be continued…**_

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**A/N: Dun, dun, duuuuuunnnnn! :) Let me know what you think!**

**Also, side note: I am hoping to get in one or two more chapters before I have to take a few weeks off for a "maternity leave." I am scheduled for a C-section on August 9th, so as long as I don't go into labor before that, I should be able to swing AT LEAST one more chapter. I'll obviously keep you all updated!**

**Thanks, as always, for all the reviews and love! XoXo - Vanessa**


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